Who Do I Want To Be.

I'm out in the open, but I'm locked up

praying every day I won't get caught

so, I walk every day pretending to be something I am not

"Daddy doesn't like the gays" my sister Michele whispers,

"and that's why I am not," I tell my littlest sister.

She is telling the truth. His homophobia and his ignorance are why I am in this predicament.

as I walk outside I think "she's too young, way too innocent,"

hopefully, she never sees the world in the way I fit in it.

I can't tell my daddy.

my best friend Camaro, openly gay,

tells me to have pride, I have nothing to say.

how do I have pride if I'm not proud?

I'm not proud that I may lose my family

or forego my sanity, or be questioned by humanity

why is the price of loving someone so costly,

But they want me to be manly

'Manly' like my grandfather beating on our family.

I can't tell my daddy

"But I'm not hurting anybody", I tell Camaro

So why must I walk straight and narrow?

My heart is the cause of insurrections.

I'm questioning my own introspections.

"They are just jealous that we can be ourselves"

"jealous? yet we are the victims of hate crimes"

"I want to tell my daddy before my sister tells"

"Do it, no more 'straight lines!'"

I am, who I am

I want to tell my daddy, I will not live a scam.

I will live my life and not give a damn.

I walk home and the cold air is clearing my head

I'm going to tell my daddy

But, if I'm going to tell my dad, I may not have a bed

but I can be open instead.

As I approached the front door of our country home, I see my father on the porch smoking a cigarette

"Hey dad, can we talk, I have something to discuss"

"of course son what do you need"

his face was still he did a slight adjust

I started to sweat as I begin to proceed.

I'm going to tell my dad.

"I'm homosexual, I'm gay, and proud to be queer"

I said it so fast, that I didn't know if it was clear.

he looked me in the eyes and told me "okay"

a basic "okay" like any other day.

"but you're still my son"

and that's all he had to say

I told my daddy. and he said I can stay

I'm out in the open, and I'm not locked up

praying every day, this life won't stop

so, I walk every day focusing on being me rather than something I am not.

"Daddy doesn't like the gays" my sister Michele whispers,

"Something has changed," I tell my littlest sister.

#pride