Wham Bam From Spam Diss Track
To Lamar Wiggins, with 'spect from Spam as a response to his "I would rather..." as part of the Paul and Donna Yucky Food Challenge.
Wham bam
It's yo' boy
Spam
S p a m, say my name
Mr Wiggins, you got some mighty biggins
Stepping to me with no sense of decency
I was going to remain quiet,
Was going to keep my cool
But you stepped way over the line, I saw that as a sign
Did yo momma never teach you not to judge
a book or can of food by its cover or label?
As much as I may like to, I don't want to fight you
I'd rather sniff a fart in a hot and sweaty room
Than take you on face to face, even armed with a broom
I'm smarter than that, like a slimmed-down Chris Pratt
Wait, I'm more like Chris Evans, or a mixed-breed meat-based Suftan Stevens
Anyway, anyhow, I digress; I lost my train of thought
All I want to know is that the best you got?
I really wanted to avoid getting emotional
But Lamar, you really hit a sore spot.
I lack the full-on meat-centred bliss of a decent sausage, burger or steak
My existence may have been something of an abomination but make no mistake
I wish I looked and tasted better, but grill me up, and I'm something special
Baste me in butter and stick an egg on me on a fine slice of toast
I don't want to brag, don't want to boast, I am an ingredient more versatile than most
So step yourself back, and stop talking smack; this has been your official wham bam diss track
See, yo' boy got bars
Is...is this still on...
Peace.
*Thanks for reading!
This is a diss track on behalf of the mighty Spam as a response to Lamar Wiggins' excellent anti-spam piece as part of the Paul and Donna Yucky Food Challenge:
For another attempt by me at rap, take a look at this:
You can also check out the rest of my work here.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
Reader insights
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Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
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Comments (13)
🤣🤣🤣. These are getting so fantastically absurd! I love it!!
I Love SPAM. Cook it in a pan with a little oil until crispy on both sides. cut it thin of course. Then put it on white bread with mayo...YUM. Hey. we all eat something that others may find disgusting...but the world goes on.
I'd rather sniff a fart in a hot and sweaty room. Ewwww hahahahahahhahahahaha. But I still loved this!
It's not the name or the package. It's the consistency & taste by which we judge it, lol. That having been said, good comeback.
LOL, Paul, you are too much! This was hilarious. Bravo
I really want to post a Monty Python meme in rebuttal, but alas, only comments allowed.
Nice work!
😂😂😂🧐🤔😮… Good one, Paul! you may have won this round! But give me a sec, I’ll be right back!
LOL!😂 Mc Spammajamma iz in the house!
The spam jam. Whew, it’s getn’ hot in here grill me with cheese and toast. Lol
Ooooh, it's on!
I’m fucking deceased! 🤣😭 👻
You go, boi! 😎 Great job, Paul!