Unwelcome

By what design am I meant to walk so cautiously with this burden? This unwholesome situation is so mentally exhausting. I let you inflict your trauma on me. I allowed you to infiltrate my core where you decided to off load all your misdeeds. Years spent undermining myself but you didn't help lift me up in any way. I provided a safe place but you were never the comfort I sought. You were a paradox I couldn't figure out. You were a contradiction that couldn't quite function. You kept trying to make me dimmer so you could shine brighter. I was inhaling your poisonous fumes and wondering why I kept asphyxiating. How can I disassociate from your entire existence? Why am I constantly at war with myself? This is the wrong kind of love and I don't want it. It keeps disrupting me and I have no need for it. Dying more and more each day until there was only a void left in me. Your selfish deeds can't keep dismembering and dismantling me. Please leave me as I am. I was overruled in the beginning but you will forever remain unwelcome now. Bargaining is done but you will never be forgiven. You will be laid to eternal rest with such vehemence. I can't continue to bandage my wounds with you still creating new ones. Vanquishing you will be an ordeal I must endure in order to survive. You were allowed here once. You have stayed past your allotted time. The clock counts down until the inevitable moment. Time of death is any minute now. You are most unwelcome from now until my grudge decays. This kind of love makes everyone unwell. Will I ever forgive you? Only time will tell