Unpredictable Father

Day 49/366 of my writing journey in 2024. As I prepare for this significant art show, a pivotal moment in my life, I find myself at a crossroads. The desire for my Mother's presence tugs at my heart, yet the reality is inviting her would inevitably bring my Father along. I have set boundaries with my Father due to his tumultuous past and unpredictable behavior, prioritizing my mental well-being. My Mother, a product of a generation committed to their partners, remains by his side despite the pain it brings. The longing for my Mother's support at my show is profound, but the risk of my Father's presence looms, potentially overshadowing the event with his actions. And so, I pen down these thoughts, grappling with this intricate family dynamic.

In the shadows of the past, I wish my dad was normal,

But he’s not, his actions like a storm that's unpredictable.

Narcissistic tendencies, a mirror of his soul,

Abusive words, a venom that poisons the whole.

Not a safe haven, but a place of fear and doubt,

I wish my dad was normal, but he's not, I cry out.

I wish my dad was normal, a beacon of love and light,

But he's not, his darkness casting shadows in the night.

Longing for the warmth of a father's embrace,

Instead, I navigate through this turbulent space.

I wish my dad was normal, with kindness in his heart,

But he's not, tearing our bond apart.

I wish my dad was normal, bringing joy to every occasion,

But he's not, his behavior causing frustration.

Embarrassment follows in his wake, staining every event,

I'm not proud to call him my father, a sentiment I lament.

Yearning for a sense of pride in the man he could be,

Instead, disappointment and shame are all I see.

I wish my dad was normal, reliable and true,

But he's not, his unpredictable actions leaving me blue.

Unable to invite him to events, unsure of his ways,

I don't know what he'll do, in a constant haze.

Lack of trust in his behavior, fearing embarrassment's sting,

I long for a father I can proudly bring.