Unhappy Camper

Again I’m joining up with friends, they love to fish and camp

I haven’t joined them once when it’s not freezing cold and damp

The “handbook” says it has to rain when setting up your tent

What’s wrong with creature comforts back where I’ve been paying rent

What satisfaction can I gain by pooping in the trees

Grunting while I’m staring up beneath a nest of bees

It’s muddy as I’m slogging back, my boots all packed in crud

I make a mess inside my tent, then realize it ain’t mud

Mosquitoes there are everywhere, they’re loving me a bunch

I’m pretty sure their leader’s yelling, “Come on boys, it’s lunch”

I’m fighting wicked thoughts I’m having, freezing in this rain

Would I become a suspect if they find my buddies slain

I hear that God forgives us just as long as we repent

Good Lord, what’s coming over me, just look where I just went

It’s been three days and STILL it pours, I think of Noah’s ark

If critters pass us two by two I’m leaving before dark

What fun is being stuck in tents because the weather’s bad

If hungry wolves attack my friends, I can’t say I’d be mad

So ask me if I like to camp, my backpack full of goods

I’ll answer, “Yes, if ‘camping’ means my hotel’s near the woods”