Tonight, I am a failure.
Except that’s not true.
Tonight, I am an idiot.
Except that’s false.
Tonight I am a disappointment.
Except to those I know.
-0-
Deadlines have come,
Then they have passed me by.
Deadlines have come before,
Then they too have gone away.
Deadlines will come again,
Then what will they do?
-0-
Far ahead of me they now do lie,
Far behind me in days gone by.
Too young, to feel this way,
Too old to make mistakes.
Why do I do these things?
Why do I even try?
-0-
Tomorrow does not exist.
It is forever far away.
Tomorrow will never come.
It is only ever today.
Tomorrow is dream we have.
It is the only way.
-0-
Yesterday did not happen.
Yesterday is dead and gone.
So I should not dread the memories.
So I should embrace the dawn.
Perhaps when tomorrow comes.
Perhaps I’ll find a way.
-0-
No. That is not the way.
I can go on and so I shall.
No, and no again I say.
I will reach beyond and reach above.
No. Right now it is my day.
I will moved beyond myself.
-0-
Self doubt is the foe of all.
Self is all we have.
Today is all that matters.
Today I am myself.
Mine is not the path of woe.
Mine is not a life of regret.
-0-
Mistakes are not the be and end of all.
Chances there still lie ahead.
Mistakes do not foretell my fall.
Chances still abound, surrender not to dread.
Mistakes are made but heed the call.
Chances will arise again, so lift up your head.
-0-
I speak to myself.
And not to you.
I am prone to certain faults.
And over all self sabotage.
I am beset with regret.
And I shall rise above them all.
-0-
This pain of mine,
This heavy burden.
For so many years I’ve carried it,
For too long it’s weighed me down.
Now I want to say that I’ve had enough,
Now I want move beyond.
-0-
Tonight I am a failure.
Except that’s not true.
Tonight I have failed.
Except that is false.
Tonight I disappoint myself.
Except my choices are my own.
-0-
Tomorrow I will make a change.
Tomorrow I will take the plunge.
Years ago it should have happened.
Years I’ve had to take that step.
Right now is the time, the only time that’s right.
Right now I’ll plant the tree.
-0-
Ten years from now I’ll look back.
Ten thousand miles away.
I’ll see the tree that marks the spot.
I’ll see the man I used to be.
And think back with mockery.
And remember him with pity.
-0-
I’ve been going through a rough patch recently. My job is unpleasant, but then what else is new. As in love and in life, it’s what you make of it that matters.
Proactivity is something with which I’ve struggled. My whole life I’ve been passive. I’ve made this same commitment before, though this time I’m sure I’ll do it.
And if I fall off again? Then I’ll pick myself up and walk along. The journey is far from over, my friends. We’ve a lot of road left to go.
Somewhere, long ago, I read that you only fail when you surrender to the failure. So I’ll keep fighting.
Deep down I know what I’m capable of. The work that’s burying me heart and soul should not have the power it does over me. It should not control my thoughts. I can do it, I must do it, and so I shall.
There’s no other choice but to carry on, keep my head up, and walk as far as I can. If I can’t do it with a smile, then at least I’ll do it without a frown. And I’ll try to find that smile, the one I used to have. It’s here somewhere, I just have to find it again.
Or maybe, as I walk and as I grow, it will find me.
About the Creator
Alexander McEvoy
Writing has been a hobby of mine for years, so I'm just thrilled to be here! As for me, I love writing, dogs, and travel (only 1 continent left! Australia-.-)
I hope you enjoy what you read and I can't wait to see your creations :)
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Comments (15)
One day at a time. hang in there.
Sometimes we feel so bogged down, but I find that changing even one thing, one habit, just switching sitting for walking. I find long walks to be my go to for sanity. Or take up early morning yoga, or putting some music on and dancing with wild abandon. One little thing can set the mood for you to transcend into the changes which you desire. It is the little things in life which lead to the bigger things. Hugs and all the best towards feeling so much better.
One day at a time sweet Jesus…I love the encouragement you give yourself by realizing that it’s not over and the journey to happiness and self worth is far from over. Living in the now helps immensely. Dwelling on yesterday can sometimes have the wrong effect on where you would rather be mentally. I appreciate you sharing this heartfelt and relatable poem. It inspires others to not hide from their situation. Here’s to today, my friend. 🍻
Hang in there, and don't let whatever it is grind you down 😊
Alex, this is such a relatable and emotional piece about the internal struggle so many of us have in life! You depicted a beautifully sad inner monologue of someone clearly struggling. This is such a great thing to show/ represent as it helps those that have these thoughts know they aren’t alone and that it’s okay to feel this way! Which sometimes, is all we need! The stanzas about today and yesterday were so impactful for me! Serving as a reminder that we can’t change the past, all we can do is learn from it! Also that it doesn’t do well to dwell on memories that bring us dread. I love the way the tone of the poem shifted part way through as the narrative became less prone to self doubt and started to have hope. It’s inspiring how they pulled themselves out of the dark place with the hope that tomorrow will be better! So smart! Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us at the end, it’s very brave of you to bare your soul in the way that you did! Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey in self-growth with us, it’s always uplifting for me to see other people are on a similar journey and that they feel the same!
It's okay to take some time and have a tactical retreat too. Give yourself some grace and be in that feeling. This was BEAUTIFUL poetry. I'm sorry you're going through it. Fear not the darkness, but welcome its embrace, my friend
Authentic and true!!! Keep going with a smile. There is no thing as failure. It's a learning experience. Edison was told he failed 10,000 times. His reply, he discovered 10,000 that didn't work and the 10,001 one worked. Or, something like that.
Honest and captivating. Keep that chin up, soldier! ❤️
Heartfelt, raw, and honest. As long as we keep picking ourselves up, we're okay. Thanks for sharing this, Alexander 💕😊
I understand the sentiment here...and I thought of something I once heard from a wiser person than me: Yesterday is done. The future is unknowable. And today is all we have. Stay in touch with all of us. And keep going.
Super relatable. Sending you some love. Continue to persevere, my friend. You've got this!
We strive because we're worth thriving
I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch. I hope writing this poem and the prose underneath it made you feel somewhat better. Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️
I agree that it is a heavy hit. You both portray and defy self-doubt wonderfully in this poem; I see what you are saying throughout, and though I don't know the particulars, I can see you are on the right path in your mind. Thanks for sharing the depth and breadth of this, such an acute literary touch gives apt shield to the vulnerability beneath. Keep on! :)
This hit really heavy. And man, sounds like my inner self-talk sometimes. If I could pin this on a virtual wall in my brain, I would. "If I can't do it with a smile, at least do it without a frown... (the smile) is here somewhere, I just have to find it again." This whole thing is very well written, but it also sounds sincere and relatable. One thing we always aim for in writing, is to reach another soul out there, and that you certainly did. :)