Tonight

Tonight, I am a failure.

Except that’s not true.

Tonight, I am an idiot.

Except that’s false.

Tonight I am a disappointment.

Except to those I know.

-0-

Deadlines have come,

Then they have passed me by.

Deadlines have come before,

Then they too have gone away.

Deadlines will come again,

Then what will they do?

-0-

Far ahead of me they now do lie,

Far behind me in days gone by.

Too young, to feel this way,

Too old to make mistakes.

Why do I do these things?

Why do I even try?

-0-

Tomorrow does not exist.

It is forever far away.

Tomorrow will never come.

It is only ever today.

Tomorrow is dream we have.

It is the only way.

-0-

Yesterday did not happen.

Yesterday is dead and gone.

So I should not dread the memories.

So I should embrace the dawn.

Perhaps when tomorrow comes.

Perhaps I’ll find a way.

-0-

No. That is not the way.

I can go on and so I shall.

No, and no again I say.

I will reach beyond and reach above.

No. Right now it is my day.

I will moved beyond myself.

-0-

Self doubt is the foe of all.

Self is all we have.

Today is all that matters.

Today I am myself.

Mine is not the path of woe.

Mine is not a life of regret.

-0-

Mistakes are not the be and end of all.

Chances there still lie ahead.

Mistakes do not foretell my fall.

Chances still abound, surrender not to dread.

Mistakes are made but heed the call.

Chances will arise again, so lift up your head.

-0-

I speak to myself.

And not to you.

I am prone to certain faults.

And over all self sabotage.

I am beset with regret.

And I shall rise above them all.

-0-

This pain of mine,

This heavy burden.

For so many years I’ve carried it,

For too long it’s weighed me down.

Now I want to say that I’ve had enough,

Now I want move beyond.

-0-

Tonight I am a failure.

Except that’s not true.

Tonight I have failed.

Except that is false.

Tonight I disappoint myself.

Except my choices are my own.

-0-

Tomorrow I will make a change.

Tomorrow I will take the plunge.

Years ago it should have happened.

Years I’ve had to take that step.

Right now is the time, the only time that’s right.

Right now I’ll plant the tree.

-0-

Ten years from now I’ll look back.

Ten thousand miles away.

I’ll see the tree that marks the spot.

I’ll see the man I used to be.

And think back with mockery.

And remember him with pity.

-0-

I’ve been going through a rough patch recently. My job is unpleasant, but then what else is new. As in love and in life, it’s what you make of it that matters.

Proactivity is something with which I’ve struggled. My whole life I’ve been passive. I’ve made this same commitment before, though this time I’m sure I’ll do it.

And if I fall off again? Then I’ll pick myself up and walk along. The journey is far from over, my friends. We’ve a lot of road left to go.

Somewhere, long ago, I read that you only fail when you surrender to the failure. So I’ll keep fighting.

Deep down I know what I’m capable of. The work that’s burying me heart and soul should not have the power it does over me. It should not control my thoughts. I can do it, I must do it, and so I shall.

There’s no other choice but to carry on, keep my head up, and walk as far as I can. If I can’t do it with a smile, then at least I’ll do it without a frown. And I’ll try to find that smile, the one I used to have. It’s here somewhere, I just have to find it again.

Or maybe, as I walk and as I grow, it will find me.