Things to be Held in Check

There are so many things I wish to say to you, paint you a picture in words: 

A landslide of kaleidoscopic fragments that make up the shape of you in my mind’s eye. 

I want to tell you that I feel you as morning sunshine beaming through a glass pane, radiating warmth and light. 

I ought to tell you that you make me feel safe, secure

- warm soup and log fires -

you are like a cloak of protection that I long to wrap around myself. 

I need to tell you, but I cannot find the valourous arrows within my arsenal of broken dolls and off-beat drum-rolls. 

Instead, I dress my bare, cold shoulders in ambiguity, making the most of you confined, circumscribed by my own mind. 

Oh, The tears of frustration I've cried!

Push all yearning aside, affection lost to pride. 

Canal sides and coffee tables, I want to reach out and touch your hand, but I fall back in reprimand. 

I'm eager to water you with these words, deliver them like fresh, light rain on summer terrain. 

Flow. 

Nourish the sentences to get this thing past go! 

But the words will not come. 

It's like that first attempt at a scream when shaking yourself awake from a bad dream, a dry, faint whimper lost to dread. 

Restrained only by fear. 

All of this emotion held in one fat tear. 

Ready to implode by remaining in self-preservation mode.