The End For You Is My Progression

Hey it's me , sorry I can't come to phone right now. Leave me a message after the beep.

The pain I feel, it creeps.

Creeps into my dreams late at night while I am asleep,

Clawing at the empty space in my bed where you once laid.

A drop in the bucket full of empty conversations I have with the air,

Hoping somehow you hear me

Replaying the blips and imaging apologies we should've had

Only to have it end before the real work of healing could've began.

Turning into regrets that linger

Are louder than the pain my soul feels,

To crave your touch,

To feel the breath of you in my hair,

To remember the way I curled up in your shoulder,

Your arm wrapped around my waist.

I long for the peace that was you.

The quiet embrace.

The words we spoke melted away.

The dreams,

The hopes once had,

Now only live rent free in film stored in my memories.

Late at night when I feel most alone,

I pull the clips that seem to collect dust,

But as time goes on they are seemingly starting to fade and disappear.

Maybe it's because I'm healing

Maybe it's because I'm dealing

Maybe it's because I'm still lingering

Maybe subconsciously I'm holding on to false hope.

Hope that somehow you will knock on the door,

But the mornings after you visit me in my sleep,

Are the painful reminder of you can only see me in my dreams.

You are not the person in the casket,

But the pain is real,

The person I love is not here to heal,

To soothe me from being burnt out in this place called life.

The emotional exhaustion is kicking in,

I don't know how I haven't caved into the fears that stick together,

Needles and pins.

A darkened kind of light.

I feel you in the distance watching me and my wrong doings,

My mistakes and undoings of everything we created,

And the lack there of.

I feel you watching me waiting for change that's inevitably daunting,

Pulling at the demons that are clawing

Keeping me down,

Watching the light fade,

Stepping in to absolve to numb the pain.

I don't know how to do this without you here,

But I'm still going while this heart is still beating.

An Emerald in my pocket encouraging me to feel.

It's my pocket stone,

My worry stone and the only form of embrace.

It's the only physical taste of reality I need

When my head is to far into tomorrow.

It keeps me grounded and present when my breath starts to quicken.

It focuses the mind when I start seeing spots that feel light headed.

It's the touch of calm that makes me feel not alone.

It's the moment of knowing I'm not alone when your spirit floats by

In oranges, blacks, and white.

Fluttering it's wings in the wind in the most random places and times.

It's fall now, and I know you are traveling for winter.

But I'll be waiting for you in Spring to show me your silly canter,

Through the warmth of the wind that touches my skin.

I'll be waiting for you my friend.