Hanging By A Thread
From overstimulation to decompression
Mom...Mom.....Mom
Oh I longed to hear those words
From a child who was told he was doomed to eternal silence.
Instead all I hear is orcas and sharks
Cleaning up messes from Picasso on my walls
That are my other son's form of art.
My world you see is full of IEPS
And I am alone in this life of empty broken promises
Surrounded by the "We will be there" phrases and "I am so sorry".
But are you? Are you sorry?
My worries are mine and mine alone
But you were there.
You were there to beg and plead and to criticize why I stayed.
Why I didn't put down the ring
To question why I wasn't running but left me there
Choking and gasping for air.
Feeling like I'm constantly drowning
Bills and debt mounting while the voices of a million critics pierce my mind
Chicken nuggets are not a meal
You should put down your phone and do more.
While the pinterest moms are making their kids the crafts a plenty
I am on auto pilot surviving.
I'm making sure this ship stays afloat
But the world continues to poke holes in the haul and I'm sinking.
I love my kids and I am protecting them from the world
But I constantly feel like I'm failing.
The criticisms are harsher when they come from myself
But I know no other way.
So after a day full of cleaning and mending owies
I sink into my safe place- my bed.
My mind may race a million miles a minute
But there's no criticism here.
Comfort of blankets and incense in the air
Dragon's blood is home it's my layer.
Surrounded by crystals and house plants galore
It's my safe place from the world.
Amethyst, Tiger's Eye, Selenite, Obsidian, Citirine,
Calcites, Green Adventurine, Jades and Jaspers,
Towers and Spheres
I count them all on the nights where fears slowly creep in.
With their silent whispers reminding me of constant failures
Worried about the future while that whisper plays tug of war
With my past- it can bring you to your knees.
Feels like you are suffocating.
The thoughts are so loud, why don't they shut off?
Why won't they let me rest
I'm so tired
My body craves this deep sleep- the kind where your dreams
They feel like real memories.
Just as the drift finally settles in
And your body stops fighting
A little voice startles your system into over drive.
A giggle
A little cold foot
My little Picasso needs me.
So I shuffle over and make room to drift to sleep.
Drifting.... Drifting... Drifting....
Mommy? Can I sleep with you?
To night- just like every other night my bed is now the safe haven
For all those who systems won't shut down.
We fall asleep together
We wake up together
Our days are always together.
No matter what happens in the world today
I just know that we come home and my bed safely melts the worries
Away into tomorrow or the past slipping behid us.
No thought is exempt.
No feeling is void.
Just me, my bed, and my boys.
About the Creator
Kayla Lindley
Kayla is a neuro-spicy single mom, and writing is her therapy. When she isn't writing, Kayla is out collecting crystals, growing her sticker collection, and hiking in the mountains of Northern Washington with her Corgi Morty.
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