Two Pink Lines

I had never really felt like a child. I'd always had to raise myself. My mother was just a teenager when she'd had me and consequently, we had spent my whole childhood arguing and fighting like a couple of sisters as opposed to mother and daughter. My father was older than my mother but still had some maturing to do himself. He focused his entire life on me, his little girl but never realized the pressure that put on me. I always felt I had to raise him even as he was trying to raise me. We raised each other. Then, I met him. He cares, he shows me a love like I've never known. For once, it's about me and I don't have to focus on other people's needs and what someone needs from me. Someone always wants something from you. That is what my parents have taught me. Love is selfish but it isn't with him. He is perfect, beautiful, funny, and can take me to places I've only dreamed about. Places outside my mind and my own pathetic life and I know that I will always love him. When we first met, I wanted him to have my children, but now? Right now, with us both still in high school? This is all happening so soon. I slipped into the restroom at work. It had been 6 weeks since my last menstrual and this was not normal. I couldn't wait any longer. I put the top on the test and waited. These 60 seconds felt like forever. What would we do? We were both seniors so we didn't have long to go before school was over but this was not the plan. The plan was for him to join the Army and me the National Guard and for me to get my associate's degree and then we marry, then have kids.

50 seconds.... if I am pregnant the Guard couldn't happen but I could still get my associate's degree maybe. The urine I used for the test seeps in through the screen and I know the test is processing.

40 seconds.... would my love leave me? What if I have to do this all alone? Then there is no way I could do anything more than high school and if that happens how do I financially support myself and the baby?

30 seconds...my grocery store job does not make that much. Maybe I could move in with my grandma. She helped my mom raise me.

20 seconds...I do not want to live with either of my parents that is for sure. I wouldn't want to raise a baby around yelling which would happen if I lived with my mother and I wouldn't want to live with my father because he's so overbearing and nervous he'd drive me crazy.

10 seconds...do I see another pink line beside the control line? No, I was hoping it'd be negative and all could just go back to the way it was. Maybe my love and I could get married but would he want to?

60 seconds have passed and there is no denying it now. Childhood is over. I text my love and let him know the news and since he already knows I'm late on my menstrual this won't be a complete surprise to him. My world is crashing down. Things will never be the same. I'm only 17 and I feel like everything I've ever worked for or dreamed about is falling around me. I throw the test away and cover it with tissue paper because I don't need anyone questioning me or anyone talking about the pregnancy test in the bathroom. I'll throw it away at closing time. Once I open this door my world will never be the same. I will have to face my new reality, like it or not. My stomach is in knots wondering what my boyfriend will say; how will he react? My phone dings and it's him. He says, "We'll figure this out together. Deep breath my love. It's me and you still... forever." I know I'll be okay and I go about my day.