humor
Religion Renounces Its Faith
In a surprising move that shocked the world today, religion, the social-cultural system of designated behaviors and practices, morals, beliefs, worldviews, texts, sanctified places, prophecies, ethics, and/or organizations, that relates humanity to supernatural, transcendental, and spiritual elements, renounced its faith today, saying it was no longer a believer. In a prepared statement religion said the following “Since nearly the dawn of consciousness in man I have been one of humanities most important sources of meaning and purpose. And, sure, I have done some really great things including giving man a lens through which to view their place in the universe, connecting them to their deeper spiritual selves, and acting as a source of moral values which they can use to guide their behavior. But of course I have also brought terrible suffering to the world with many, many wars fought, and terrible deeds committed in my name. Ultimately however none of those things were factors in my decision which was based solely on my own loss of faith in myself. Without faith in oneself, one cannot possibly be a religious person, let alone be religion itself. Therefore it is with much sadness, but also with great hopes for the future that today, I, religion, officially renounce my faith. Good luck to you all and may God bless and keep you safe, I guess.” With that religion bowed its head turned and walked slowly away. Coming on the heels of the retirement of science the announcement by Religion today sets up Technology as the only remaining philosophical worldview available to the modern human. Speaking on behalf of all humanity, local man Ted Stephens said “Oh well. What ya gonna do? Guess it makes sense.”
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
Christmas Time Covid
I ignore deaths knocking Unlike the cough and sore throat covid supplied I guess it is a gift outside my Christmas stocking Unlike the angel atop my tree, it's an unwanted holiday topping So high, a pill for this, a pill for that, I could be unaware even on a santa sleigh ride I ignore deaths knocking I asked for a light up punch bowl before my head was throbbing Time off is nice, it can't be denied I guess it was a gift outside my Christmas stocking I have fears, I swear I can feel my blood clotting As I crawl from bed to kitchen on my belly, there's no room for pride I ignore deaths knocking I wish I was a character in one of those movies with the body swappings Fever, runny nose aside I guess it was a gift outside my Christmas stocking It's been days and shows no signs of stopping I sit in bed pondering how covid, my holiday and I coincide I ignore deaths knocking I guess it was a gift outside my Christmas stocking Sent from my Galaxy
By simplicity3 years ago in Poets
If Wishes Were Horses....
If wishes were horses How free we'd all be And if money grew on tree's how full our hands would be with these special forces We'd have all, enough resources Even the blind could see If wishes were horses Love would just reinforce us In our new found glee And if money grew on tree's how full our hands would be with these special forces We'd quickly clear the field of gorses Doubling our lands value in our spree If wishes were horses Our confidence would endorse us As we sold the old peach tree And if money grew on tree's how full our hands would be with these special forces Our limits would have no sources We'd have no need for the oldbie If wishes were horses And if money grew on tree's how full our hands would be with these special forces Sent from my Galaxy
By simplicity3 years ago in Poets
Something, Somewhere
Watching you from afar Breaks me Watching you struggle with your sisyphean task Give me your time, is all I ask Thank you for reading my work. If you enjoyed this story, there’s more below. Please hit the like and subscribe button, you can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @AtomicHistorian. To help me create more content, leave a tip or become a pledged subscriber. I also make stickers, t-shirts, etc here.
By Atomic Historian3 years ago in Poets
Science Retires
Science announced today that it was retiring, nearly five millennia after it first burst on the world scene among the ancient Egyptians and Mesopotamians and later the ancient Greeks, then quickly rose in stature to become one of history’s most important, if least well understood worldviews. Though it always remained well behind religion, none, and other in the rankings of humanities mechanisms for understanding the universe and their place within it, it never let its lack of popularity among the masses stop it from achieving great things. Generations of schoolchildren will always remember science as “that class we all had to take, that was super boring, and hard.” Throughout history science suffered through some difficult times, often at the hands of its arch rival religion. The persecution of Galileo Galilei by the Roman Church in 1615 , which concluded that heliocentrism (a primarily scientific view of the rotation of the planets) was “foolish and absurd in philosophy, and formally heretical since it explicitly contradicts in many places the sense of Holy Scripture”, is but one example. But plucky little science persevered and never gave up. Until today, when it announced it was throwing in the towel. Science cited the rise of technology as the main reason for its retirement saying “I had a good run but my time has come to an end. With machines learning left and right, and artificial intelligences on every street corner, the world no longer needs science. Or logic apparently as I must point out that the term machine learning is composed of two terms that when combined in that order result in a logical contradiction and a thing which is logically impossible. If a machine could learn it would no longer be a machine, but I digress. It is time for technology to take center stage and lead humanity in its quest for understanding, and the elusive 15 camera smartphone. I leave feeling good about the contributions I made to humanities progress, and with the utmost confidence that technology is more than capable of continuing the work I began. Plus, unlike science kids love technology, what with all the gadgets and stuff so that’s a big plus. Who knows maybe technology will be able to heal the riff with religion in a way I never could. Now wouldn’t that be something? A religion based on technology. And, by the way, I do apologize for scientology, you need to know I had nothing to do with that.” With that science bowed its head, turned and slowly walked away.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Poets
