Dear summer,
-
You can suck it.
And I mean that from the bottom of my more than likely sweaty cleavage.
My mosquito-bite riddled legs and arms (really any available surface)
hate you too.
So do my smooth legs that need shaving every other damn day,
And my eyes and nose and throat that loathe your stupid allergies and hay fever. In fact, your cousin spring can screw off too.
While I'll hand it to you that you bring a smidge of joy with your long days that stretch into the night hours,
I cannot forgive the heat you drag along with it.
The sweltering car and the house that needs constant cooling.
I can't take off any more clothes to get relief.
I'm tired of my thighs sticking together and my legs getting glued to leather seats as I battle having my groceries on a time clock starting to melt.
You got my hands swelling, my feet expanding.
You don't hold a candle to my main squeeze, Autumn.
Nah, he's a straight up chill, hugging me with a blast of
cool that sends a shiver down my back and puts a smile
on my face.
But summer, you don't do that.
You got birds and bats and bees out messing me with me. Crapping on my car, trying to get in my house, my sanctuary. No thank you.
Poison ivy sneaking around ready to latch on to my skin as I tackle the never-ending yard work.
Sun burn and melasma waiting to sucker punch me the moment I'm not looking.
The only thing you've really done for me is give me outdoor swimming pools and I could live without those.
So calm the fuck down with all your baggage. Leave it at the door and just give me temps in the low 70's please.
-
Sincerely,
Hot, sticky me
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Comments (14)
Hah! Heather, this poem made me feel the discomfort of summer… excuse me while I go crank the AC 😂
Poor Summer, I’m sure she’s trying her best
Oh, I could feel the anger and frustration in this! Well expressed! While I share the frustration of it being too hot, I do not like the idea of it being cold. I am ready for the warmer temperatures! Well done!
Heather, this was HILARIOUS and so fantastic! I absolutely loved it, and related to so many lines! haha! I do love summer, but not as much as fall!
Haha, love this! Although, I am a weirdo and I love to sweat 😎 I'll take the summer and give you the fall! This made me laugh and your language is so vivid and raw; just delightful, as always - I love this! 😍
I can totally relate. My clothes always have multiple sweat spots. I would say you guys have it easy because here it's summer all year round. But then again, I wouldn't last in winter. So I applaud you guys for being able to withstand these extreme temperatures!
I absolutely love this and could not agree more. I enjoy the first two days of summer then I swelt and complain 🤣 Good work, and yes summer - suck it!
🤣🤣. Love it! I was just talking about much of this with my mom and we agree… Give us fall leaves and chilly breezes, and the ability to wear sweaters, please! 👏
Thanks Heather, I needed this today. I'm still laughing as I write this. Loved it.
You had me rolling with laughter from the very beginning. This is about as much me as you can get--from summer being miserably hot (I grew up in South Dakota & now live in Kansas--you can't even call it winter what we've gotten the past several years!)., to autumn being the favorite. My dad always said that you can always put more clothes on in the winter but the law will only allow you to take so much off in the summer. My response was always, "And nature will only allow a tiny bit more." I mean, have you seen those micro-bikinis? Of course not. There's not enough fabric to be detected by the naked eye! Absolutely loved this! Resonated the whole way through.
Absolutely fantastic! I can so relate, lols 😂 Love it! 💕🙂
Dear "Sticky" I get a 'Hoot' outta you! Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, Cal 'Senior' Vocal Author
Love it. Can confirm the sweaty cleavage.
This made me laugh. I have a series based on the seasons, and summer is my least favorite, with spring not far behind. I too love autumn most. Luckily I live somewhere that summer only lasts for about two months, lol.