So...
Open Heart Surgery Poetry...or Something. Thoughts. Feelings.
So...
I've been thinking a lot recently
Well, I never stop thinking
Thinking and thinking
Thinking and regretting
About everything in my life
All the terrible mistakes
All the unjust heartaches
All the stress
All the anxiety
The way I see it
In your eyes, when they meet
It's always there, somewhere
Even as we try to move on
The times I've failed
Failed to show up
Failed to fess up
Failed to be honest
Failed to be loyal
things I've said
things I've done
times I've messed up
times I've fessed up
Covered my tracks
Covered my errors
Piled lies up high
Tried to make excuses
Absolute negligence
Complete indifference
Total obliviousness
Downright cruelness
Lacking responsibility
Lacking accountability
The hole I'm in
The pit I'm in
The doubt you feel
The distrust you feel
Is all on me
Being clean is not enough
Being sorry is not enough
Action is required
Change is required
Can I win in the end?
I need to hope I will
Can we win in the end?
I need to hope we will
A dark shadow follows me
A dark shadow follows us
I try not to make excuses
It still happens
I try to be kind at all times
But, often, I'm still cruel
Following the same path
I've always followed
I'm still trying
Very trying, some would say
Being on the wrong side
Has taken its toll
left me with a hole
Has taken me down
But I'm not done
I never will be
I will win
The alternative
Is not an option
Whether I will or not
Time and actions will tell
The pain I've caused hits me
Often when I'm least expecting
I work, wait, hope and pray
The rain comes down
The clouds dissipate
And the sun shines again
And we are happy again
*
Thanks for reading!
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Scottish-Italian poet/writer from Glasgow.
Overflowing in English language torture and word abuse.
"Every man has a sane spot somewhere" R.L Stevenson
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection is now available!
https://paulspoeticprints.etsy.com
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Comments (12)
Just gorgeous and heartwrenching. Well done.
As always, your expressions of honesty and humanness are so heartfully written, with such vulnerability. I truly felt the grief, regret, the pain of a past that still haunts– but the ending was full of redemption. We are not who we were yesterday. Every day we get to choose. Sometimes it's hard to make the right choice, but then, there's always the next minute, and the next, and the next, and the next.... Beautiful and honest work, Paul!
Great writing Paul - I felt a bit sad but I like the structure and honesty and hopefulness. 👏😊
This sounds like slam poetry or some kind of catchy chant. I enjoyed the honesty and vulnerability. This line was particularly clever: "I'm still trying Very trying".
Whoaaaa, now that was a scary downward spiral! Luckily the ending is positive. Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️
You always did the very best you could with what you knew at the time…. no regrets. Only painful lessons learned, and wisdom earned ✨❤️
Well done Paul, really enjoyed that. Keep dancin'.
Oh, I felt so much of this, my friend 🥹❤️ So raw and vulnerable; I also loved the inspirational ending ❤️❤️
"I'm still trying Very trying, some would say Being on the wrong side Has taken its toll left me with a hole Has taken me down But I'm not done" Wow. The poetic play in these lines is amazing. I really love the changing meaning of "trying" in the first two lines. Then the double action of "being on the wrong side" is genius. This section is illustrative of the entirety, being a showcase of wonderful art, the words leaping off the page in rich emotion and narrative progression. A round of applause for you, my friend. And I do hope everything is going well in your life. ❤️
Heading to a meeting would probably help.
"very trying, some would say" 👏 Fortunately you are both - very trying.....and trying very hard. Good work!
Ok, you had me wondering for a moment with the subtitle. Well done, sir!