So...

So...

I've been thinking a lot recently

Well, I never stop thinking

Thinking and thinking

Thinking and regretting

About everything in my life

All the terrible mistakes

All the unjust heartaches

All the stress

All the anxiety

The way I see it

In your eyes, when they meet

It's always there, somewhere

Even as we try to move on

The times I've failed

Failed to show up

Failed to fess up

Failed to be honest

Failed to be loyal

things I've said

things I've done

times I've messed up

times I've fessed up

Covered my tracks

Covered my errors

Piled lies up high

Tried to make excuses

Absolute negligence

Complete indifference

Total obliviousness

Downright cruelness

Lacking responsibility

Lacking accountability

The hole I'm in

The pit I'm in

The doubt you feel

The distrust you feel

Is all on me

Being clean is not enough

Being sorry is not enough

Action is required

Change is required

Can I win in the end?

I need to hope I will

Can we win in the end?

I need to hope we will

A dark shadow follows me

A dark shadow follows us

I try not to make excuses

It still happens

I try to be kind at all times

But, often, I'm still cruel

Following the same path

I've always followed

I'm still trying

Very trying, some would say

Being on the wrong side

Has taken its toll

left me with a hole

Has taken me down

But I'm not done

I never will be

I will win

The alternative

Is not an option

Whether I will or not

Time and actions will tell

The pain I've caused hits me

Often when I'm least expecting

I work, wait, hope and pray

The rain comes down

The clouds dissipate

And the sun shines again

And we are happy again

*

Thanks for reading!