Looking at my feet, staring at the sky, wondering about nothing, not afraid to cry. Shadows cast on an old family wall, pictures remain from when we were small. Clouds are my ceiling, night is my friend, nature is healing, despite it's the end. I wander through darkness, a well inside of me, a place I frequent that no one can see. I see hands reaching up, arms stretched out, all that I gave for this feeling of doubt. Was I ever seen for who I am, honoured with love, did they give a damn? Behind the smiles, the presence of self, I feel so lost, put away on a shelf. I held the belief that if I could've just given more, I'd reach the place where I would soar. Years and tears roll around, who I was seems washed up and drowned. I am the ghost of a woman who thrived to be, honoured, respected, not taken for granted or washed out to sea. Staring into the moonlight, my blue eyes red, nothing feels peaceful, just over; dead. In this still depth of after-hood, I dig to remember did I ever do good; mother, spouse, sibling and daughter, all of me present without thinking further. I assumed I'd be rewarded in some special way, for the sixty plus years I gave away. Tired, lonely, a feeling I despise, learning that after, there is no reprise. Giving, giving, dishing it out, realising it's true, there is no clout. Numb from making other's beds, now I lay silent in the world I bred.
Hannah's Challenge
I joined Vocal two years ago, a prick of enthusiasm beseeching me to throw caution to the wind, pay the readies and have a stab at a long stagnated pleasure. It worked remarkably well. I dipped in my toe, finding the water a little cooler than I had hoped, but as I stood there up to my ankles, I realised it was rather invigorating, and by the time I was up to my knees, it was pleasingly tepid. I dove in and swam out to where others were tossing balls about and wrestling over lilos and proceeded to have a whale of a time splashing about, sometimes missing my footing or getting water in my eye, but sometimes turning elegant somersaults and graceful dives.
By Hannah Moore5 days ago in Writers
Comments (9)
This was so sad 🥺 Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
While you’re still an ember, rise up as the fire 😊
I kind of want you to write the "what I did next" to follow, I'm which you take possession of life and please yourself.
I can empathize with this entirely. Feeling lonely and like I got no one to turn to. But writing helps a bit.
The way you describe loneliness and isolation is so poignant here. Sending love and comfort your way!
I am right there with you Rock, this feeling on pondering where next this journey is taking us. Fear not, you are not alone...eventually we all get to this place...yet what direction is all up to us, I guess. Meantime, I write. Comfort sent with dashes of hope.
Ah, Everyone's Swedish 'Pet Rock' - So glad that you've joined Celia & River Joy's Gorgeous new site {Mus'd} - A bed~crib, if you will, where you will never feel alone - where everyone's featured with no pretense or need for pied-pipers. Rock-on - With my Respect, j.in.l.a. Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Village Community -
That feeling of loneliness is described here, heartbreaking to me. You are not alone Rock, we are all with you. Great story, I enjoyed reading it.
Oh it is really wonderful brother. This really shows us the feelings when someone is alone!