Rats in Fluffy Suits
A poem to accompany a microfiction
I can't like squirrels.
I try but I can't.
It's just not in me.
They meet with my disapproval
In everything they do.
I dislike their hijacking ways,
Their appropriation and presumption -
"Those are my nuts" -
As they gnaw and wrench and mutilate
The feeder.
Grasping little thieves.
I've espied one particularly bold one:
A leader amongst nut poachers.
The pigeon patrols when he's not around.
Useless pigeon.
The little birds flee
When his circus act arrives.
They don't want to see his acrobatics!
He's disrupting their lunch!
"Here he comes again with his fancy moves.
We can fly from tree to tree too, you know!"
Resentful of his incisors,
Digging and distorting.
Even the magpies leave him alone.
He dangles to harvest,
With his freakish little hands
And his tear-at-anything teeth.
I hate your fluffy jowls.
Your twitching tail enrages me
With its spasmodic jerks:
Your self-satisfaction as you nibble,
Sat back, relaxed -
A grey peril.
I like to watch you leap in fright
As I open the door.
Sometimes, I clap but
No appreciative applause here for your rodential athletics.
Part of me wants resignation,
To accept your hunger and need:
"Squirrels need food too!",
Imagining you with a mini placard
Or a t-shirt of protest and declaration.
But resentment of you
Runs rife.
I can't help but wonder if
You are rats in fur fashion.
I think if you were ravaged
I would feel differently.
I would gaze sympathetically
As you grip the cage
And revel in my benevolence
Towards you.
But
Your health and sartorial appearance
Make me feel you are not
In need - but greed.
Your audacity and rapaciousness
Make me want you gone.
I'm a nature lover
Which is why I don't shoot you
With a Nerf gun;
Although I toy with it.
That would make your tail twitch -
And makes my face do the same
At the prospect.
***
Check out the microfiction that is a compliment to this poem:
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Comments (12)
Whaaaaaat? I have rarely heard such hatred and vitriol in one poem. I suppose they are "rats in fur fashion" but when it comes to creatures that steal from small birds, seagulls are FAR worse. Now them, I could probably write a hate poem about!
Congratulations on top story, this is a very clever poem. 
This cracked me up! I have a softt spot for squirrels but reading this...undestand why others might not! Glad no nerf guns though!
So funny… love the ending about the NERF gun… & your face twitch.
And yet my heart breaks when I see one that has been run over or whose footing has been less sure than what they had presumed & have fallen to their peril. Best to place a squirrel proof feeder & enjoy them all.
This is great!! I HATE squirrels. One jumped out of a trash can at me years ago. Still scarred…
Haha. That was fun. Poor wittle bushy-tail rats. 😁
This is a delightful and jolly little confection, Rachel! I loved it!
"Freakish little hands" and "Rats in fur fashion" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, I learnt a new word today, espied! Loved your poem!
Loved this fresh look at squirrels...my fav part: ("Squirrels need food too!", Imagining you with a mini placard Or a t-shirt of protest and declaration.) I laughed out loud because I could see them in tee shirts holding their protest signs.
"A Grey Peril" could well be the title of an opera about squirrels. Well done!
Lovely nature poem!!!❤️