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Rats in Fluffy Suits

A poem to accompany a microfiction

By Rachel DeemingPublished 3 months ago Updated 3 months ago 1 min read
Rats in Fluffy Suits
Photo by Amee Fairbank-Brown on Unsplash

I can't like squirrels.

I try but I can't.

It's just not in me.

They meet with my disapproval

In everything they do.

I dislike their hijacking ways,

Their appropriation and presumption -

"Those are my nuts" -

As they gnaw and wrench and mutilate

The feeder.

Grasping little thieves.

I've espied one particularly bold one:

A leader amongst nut poachers.

The pigeon patrols when he's not around.

Useless pigeon.

The little birds flee

When his circus act arrives.

They don't want to see his acrobatics!

He's disrupting their lunch!

"Here he comes again with his fancy moves.

We can fly from tree to tree too, you know!"

Resentful of his incisors,

Digging and distorting.

Even the magpies leave him alone.

He dangles to harvest,

With his freakish little hands

And his tear-at-anything teeth.

I hate your fluffy jowls.

Your twitching tail enrages me

With its spasmodic jerks:

Your self-satisfaction as you nibble,

Sat back, relaxed -

A grey peril.

I like to watch you leap in fright

As I open the door.

Sometimes, I clap but

No appreciative applause here for your rodential athletics.

Part of me wants resignation,

To accept your hunger and need:

"Squirrels need food too!",

Imagining you with a mini placard

Or a t-shirt of protest and declaration.

But resentment of you

Runs rife.

I can't help but wonder if

You are rats in fur fashion.

I think if you were ravaged

I would feel differently.

I would gaze sympathetically

As you grip the cage

And revel in my benevolence

Towards you.


Your health and sartorial appearance

Make me feel you are not

In need - but greed.

Your audacity and rapaciousness

Make me want you gone.

I'm a nature lover

Which is why I don't shoot you

With a Nerf gun;

Although I toy with it.

That would make your tail twitch -

And makes my face do the same

At the prospect.


Check out the microfiction that is a compliment to this poem:

Thanks for stopping by! If you do read it, please do drop a comment as I love to interact with my readers.

surreal poetrynature poetryhumorFree VerseFor Fun

About the Creator

Rachel Deeming

Storyteller. Poet. Reviewer. Traveller.

I love to write. Check me out in the many places where I pop up:


My blog






Beware of imitators.

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Comments (12)

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  • TheSpinstress2 months ago

    Whaaaaaat? I have rarely heard such hatred and vitriol in one poem. I suppose they are "rats in fur fashion" but when it comes to creatures that steal from small birds, seagulls are FAR worse. Now them, I could probably write a hate poem about!

  • Daphsam3 months ago

    Congratulations on top story, this is a very clever poem. 

  • Test3 months ago

    This cracked me up! I have a softt spot for squirrels but reading this...undestand why others might not! Glad no nerf guns though!

  • So funny… love the ending about the NERF gun… & your face twitch.

  • And yet my heart breaks when I see one that has been run over or whose footing has been less sure than what they had presumed & have fallen to their peril. Best to place a squirrel proof feeder & enjoy them all.

  • D.K. Shepard3 months ago

    This is great!! I HATE squirrels. One jumped out of a trash can at me years ago. Still scarred…

  • Cathy holmes3 months ago

    Haha. That was fun. Poor wittle bushy-tail rats. 😁

  • John Cox3 months ago

    This is a delightful and jolly little confection, Rachel! I loved it!

  • "Freakish little hands" and "Rats in fur fashion" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Also, I learnt a new word today, espied! Loved your poem!

  • Shirley Belk3 months ago

    Loved this fresh look at squirrels...my fav part: ("Squirrels need food too!", Imagining you with a mini placard Or a t-shirt of protest and declaration.) I laughed out loud because I could see them in tee shirts holding their protest signs.

  • D. J. Reddall3 months ago

    "A Grey Peril" could well be the title of an opera about squirrels. Well done!

  • Test3 months ago

    Lovely nature poem!!!❤️

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