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For Heather's Unofficial Unscramble Challenge
Sure as pigs are made of bacon
And gods love a good libation,
I risk blunt humiliation
In taking up my pen.
*
But, here on this, now spoilt, morning,
I issue a public warning
Though I face outrageous scorning
Until I know not when.
*
As I write, my lips are pitch-black
And my vision has just come back.
A burnt odor indicates the lack
Of ozone in the air.
*
My poor buns are seared together,
Manhood's missing altogether
And my scalp looks like burnt leather
With some sparse pubic hair.
*
My eyeballs are albinotic
And their brows have gone psychotic.
I'm completely cyanotic,
And my nose is but a stub,
*
I could swear while I lay sleeping,
Some strange lunatic came creeping,
And spent the entire night keeping
Time on my head with a club.
*
Like a capon for the table
I am wobbly and unstable,
Legs entirely unable
To support my sagging weight.
*
I am tailspun and bedraggled
As a horse that sped and straggled
While its rider spurred and haggled
With the devil o'er his fate.
*
Now, a sibilant voice pealing,
Through my sinciput goes reeling,
And I feel no other feeling
Than the pain within my pate.
*
So, you see, these deep plications
On my brow are indications
Of the warning declarations
That I must uncap for you.
*
When your plan of daily grooming
Begins to be time-consuming
And you're rushing while presuming
Everything is in the pink,
*
Should you drop your 'lectric trimmer,
And the bathroom light grow dimmer,
Things will get a whole lot grimmer
If you grab it from the sink.
***
A/N: Just realized that I wrote more than double the maximum word count on this, so it's not eligible. I was having so much fun I got carried away.
Thanks, Heather, for posting such a creative and fun challenge! Readers: Check it out and join in HERE:
About the Creator
Dana Crandell
Dad, Stedpad, Grandpa, Husband, lover of Nature and dogs.
Poet, Writer, Editor, Photographer, Artist and Tech/Internet nerd. Content writer by trade. Vocal Creator by choice.
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More stories from Dana Crandell and writers in Poets and other communities.
The Dangling Bead
My life is splashing before my eyes, as I precariously suspend and prepare for the end, the consumption of my Self and identity. I know that gravity will be the victor in this struggle. Like a pendant, slipping from the chain, the tension has caught me in this moment, bestowing one last gift of reflection. I cling desperately, questioning my purpose. Searching for comfort. And I remember…
By Leslie Staven7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (16)
Such a fun piece! I totally understand how and why you got carried away 😉
😅 That was fun and well worth every second. Cyanotic? never heard of such a thing. I thought you made it up until I found the meaning. And lol, on the words count. As long as you had fun, that's all that matters. Bravo, Sir!
Oh damn!!! Bahahahahaha!!!!! That was fantastic!! I should've known you'd take up the comedic mantle for this challenge. I don't even care that it's over the limit. I'm still chuckling...man do I love ya, big bro :) ~lil sis
She did say 150ish. Double could be considered within the "ish" range. Are we at the stage where we're considering Rogaine or Hair Club for Men?
I was on the same wavelength as Christy so the ending was a big surprise for me too! Then everything came together! Great work, Dana!
Hahahahahhahahahahaha I had so much fun reading this! I learnt so many new words today from you! In the stanza with the word "capon", what does capon actually mean? Because I Googled it and chicken was what came up and I'm a tad confused 😅
Dana, this was a lot of fun!! I love the creative license you used when writing this, especially with words like 'lectric!!! Great work!! I can tell you had soooo much fun with this!! Am I a bad person for being glad you overshot the limit so I feel like I might have a chance at this challenge?? Because now I don't have to compete against you?? (It's okay to say yes!!! 😅)
Dana, who would have ever imagined that having such a mind-muscle of a challenge would turn out to be such fun? Your poem is awesome! And the picture! I went way over in my attempt, as well, but as I wrote, it seemed to take a life of its own. Who knew??? Electrocution for you and Pirates for me.
Your choice of Einstein successfully mislead me. Thought we were going the atomic bomb route, but I dare say the narrator might well think we did. Shocking conclusion, my good fellow. Shocking, and very well executed! ;)
Dana, you were on a roll or perhaps a rollercoaster. Having so much fun writing, you could not stop. Fun and entertaining read!!! Loved it!!!💕❤️❤️
I thought migraine....no, some terrible burning....no, hangover....and then - this was fun and funny.
This is delightfully quirky and a bit sinister and I love it!
This is genius! Bounced around perfectly, probably something to do with the sparse pubic hair lol
Haha. This is great. You nailed this, you half-fried lunatic.
OMG so funny! Good job on this😆
Lol, well played sir. Funny, with perfect flow, awesome rhymes and just all-round brilliance. Absolutely loved it, fella! Well done!