Psychosis Poems #92

Diagnosed with D.I.D.

What the hell Is wrong with me?

My car,

It's maxed out.

Can I please abruptly scream,

Maybe even shout?

I have to let them all out,

My alternative personalities,

How many can there be?

Am I psychotic,

Or insane?

Or am I just,

Mentally deranged?

Crazy too,

I will help you.

If you allow it,

But instead Id rather take a hit.

Hit of green,

You know what I mean?

Im hella scene,

Call us the scene queens.

Is this a fucking string,

String of dreams?

One minute,

There’s one alter.

Then another,

Now my car is full.

Oh fucking brother,

Its a 67’ impala car,

It drives down the tar.

The tar road,

Made from my head.

All while I,

I am laying in bed.

Did you hear what she said?

Mazikeen,

Shes a demon,

Although she is not mean.

Scarlet is a pyra,

An elemental of the fire.

Lilith asks,

What is it you desire?

Brandi pops in,

And says if she can get high,

Thats a fucking win.

But also a sin,

According to you.

But there are differences,

Between us too.

And it is more than two,

Two differences that is,

I am kind of a creative whiz.

I created an entire series,

Based of my alters,

Left or right,

One way will falter.

So which one is driving the car,

Is it me or my alters?

All my characters,

Were modeled after us.

I wrote them all,

Soon I will need a bus.

I need more space,

Headspace I need,

Lilith really wants to feed.

But that's not what hazel needs,

So, then I got high.

Do you want to know,

Know why I did?

Besides the fact,

Im clearly a creative whiz?

My characters represent,

Each and every alter.

It is amazing,

How rapid I have learned.

Maybe I have got,

Got the learning curve.

But now the car swerved,

Side to side.

Tessa said,

It is time to go,

Go for a ride.

I will have anxiety,

Until she is done.

But this is so fun,

Madeline says.

There is also an alter or three,

One who is a les.

Lesbian that is,

She loves girls.

But men on the other hand,

Make Ruby want to hurl.

She just wants a girl,

To spend the night.

Maybe then,

She can be a wife.

Proposal in sight,

Just kidding though.

Although I am already engaged,

I just feel,

Far too enraged.

Scarlet is back,

She has a dilemma,

She loves J,

But we are with A.

They both want me to stay,

I told J theres no fucking way.

Not again,

So I chose to use my pen,

Maybe also find some Zen.

Or bloody peace,

Its almost time,

For a Christmas feast.

I am nowhere near,

The end of my list.

But I am guessing,

That you get my gist.

Now for the grand finale,

My mind is seeing a dark alley.

When Brandi showed,

It even snowed.

Which I hate,

I had to skate.

Skate very fast,

With her I would not last,

In a fight.

She goes all night,

Until everything,

Gets set right.

I do not want to fight,

Alright?

I deserve some goddamn peace!

And shit,

I forgot to renew this lease.

Oh well,

Tis not swell.

Am I genuinely,

S.O.L.?

I have been through endless traumas,

They have split one me into twenty more.

When I found out about my diagnosis,

I fell down to the floor.

It all finally made sense,

It fucking clicks.

More than games,

Of pick up sticks.

Men are pricks,

Ruby says.

I told you,

She is definitely a les.

But thats okay,

As long as I am with A.

Which is where I plan to stay,

As it is safe and sound.

I live here with him,

All year round.

Did you hear that sound?

Oh wait it's another,

Will this alter make me say,

Oh fucking brother?

It is Kali,

She is beaming with light.

She made me,

Stay up all night.

Because I needed to write,

And the days,

They’re killing me.

Maybe it would be easier,

If I only dealt with three?

Alters that is.

But I got to become the creative,

And a whiz.

How splendid this truly is,

In a way,

One more thing I will say.

Is that I love all of us,

Inside my Luciferse.

We know we are safe,

Now it is time.

Time to concentrate,

This diagnosis is a lot.

A lot to handle,

Time to go.

And light a candle,

To write my novel.

Number one out of five,

For feeling accomplished,

Is for all I will strive.

So what else,

What else can I do?

Tell me instead,

What is a normal life like,

For you?

Scarlet Scythe is a 22 year old predominant alter in my Luciferse system consisting of over thirty-three alters, and is an author, poet and creative writer sharing her life stories as a person with over a dozen mental disorders, as well as share her passions for Dark Fantasy and Psychological Horror novels in her five-novel interactive series--Enchanted Luciferse.