Petals

They say that the person you think of while your life is flashing

Before your eyes is the one that you love the most. If that were

The case then is it safe to assume that I love myself dearly, or

Am I being selfish? See, I would say that I was thinking of you

But that would be a lie and we promised not to build a relationship

On lies, yet here I am, lying in a pool of roses thinking about my own

Life and the things I didn’t get to do instead of thinking about you

While I bleed out over the petals. I do not wish to see the

Red stained across the white petals, I do not wish to see the light

Splashing through the crevice’s that are between the petals.

No, I wish to watch the sun greet me like an old friend,

I wish to feel the warmth leave my body in a timely manner

But simultaneously, I wish to be alive and watch the flowers

Grow while the spring bell rings throughout this old town.

I wish to watch the days turn to nights and the season pass,

Year after year, until the day that my body will turn to ash

And will become one with the earth and all its inhabitants.

I do not wish to die today, but the petals took me in and

The water is so warm that sleep washes over me like soap gliding

On my already clean skin. I have yet to find a reason to stand up in

This pool, besides you of course, but I like the feeling of drowning

When it is four in the afternoon and everyone is still out having

Fun with their friends and family. I like the solitude that the petals

Have given me and the silence that has greeted me, even though

The same silence greets me every night. Though it really isn’t

Silence because I fall asleep to the ringing of my ears. But now

That I think of it, was the ringing really a lullaby or a sound track

Of a movie that wasn’t even my own. Was I thrust into a film

That I had not been casted in? Or did I willingly audition for the

Roll of sadly mistaken white girl, floating in a pool of petals

And her own blood? My friends say that I need to stand up,

I can hear their calls though they are muffled by the water

That has filled up my ears. Do I stand, or do I let the blood

Flow freely into the rose water. If I think about it, at least I

Will perish smelling like love and passion, or will I fall

Smelling like false hopes and broken trusts because even though

A rose is the symbol of love, they always die, so is that a sign

That all love will die off and all we will be left with are the ghosts

Of past relationships and torments that have left our minds

And bodies scarred? I will not think of that right now,

If I become distracted I will stand up and the metal that has touched

My skin would be all for nothing and the rose bath would be

Tainted with the sin I call my DNA. My mother used to tell me that

I was a mistake, but now this mistake is righting a wrong that should’ve

Been fixed almost 18 years ago. My friends are still calling for me,

And I have felt a disturbance in the water, but if I move the pain

That has finally subsided will wash over me again and the small

Metal blades are already in the bottom of the tub, I cannot

Find them. I shall will my blood to flow faster, heart beat must

Pick up, breathing should slow down, all is well when you hug

Death and his embrace soothe your troubled soul. So come away to

The water little lamb, give yourself so that they may live a new because

A sacrifice must be given to the old gods and the new.