Past and Future

I am stuck between the past and the future

There is no middle part

And yet I am in it

For many years, I have always been there

Afraid to move on from the past

And step into the future

Not knowing what will bring me

Misfortune or happiness?

All my life, I never got any good things

That would last forever

Because I was always so broken

Never worth staying for

Never worth fighting for

And never worth loving

I have come to accept the terms with that

It became a habit to me

And when someone cares for me

I am left with the lingering thought

When will they leave me?

And how will I cope with it?

What will happen afterwards?

My thoughts are running wild

Heartbeat accelerating

Never wanting to experience it again

So I shut myself away from the world

Isolating in my own darkness

For I have grown used to it

That it does not frighten me anymore

When it lunges at me

In anger

For what I had done

And all I could do was

Crack open a soft smile and say,

“I deserved it.”