Ode To My Missing Pieces

Ode to the missing pieces of me

those fallen from broken ships

and drown deep down the sea

and their little tiny one left behind

in relations-ship, friends-ship

so many ships that even I cannot recall

how close they and I used to be.

Pieces that I let go of to fit in

pieces that I exchanged, to be loved

pieces that I reject for claps

pieces that I let stain for clouts

pieces that I bleach, seeking holiness

pieces that I hid, for their ugliness

all these pieces were lost and never found

pieces that I gave to people

and they did not give back none.

Pieces of me being the best of me

handed carelessly as I got lost in a fantasy

as even I couldn't see them worthy

so many missing pieces of me that sometimes

I cannot help but wonder who I should be

yes, most will find it easy asking me to be myself

but how could I, while incomplete?

To be or not to be, that was never the question for me

for as long as I remember, I was taught how I should be

be nice they say, be friendly they say, be pure they say

read your bible they say, oh no, don't dare think this way

you shouldn't feel this way; it's tradition, okay!

And I tried to stand with conformity and follow the norms

I walked a path that was not my own

walked so many miles without a known purpose

Along the way, I crossed rivers but never swam

drank so many sips of water, I became a puddle of tears

I held so many beacons but yet I felt darkness around me.

Ode to the missing pieces of me

those broken as I tried to fit those narrow hallways

pieces of me that ran away from me

as they and I were grown apart

pieces of me such as feelings, deep asleep

dead in their coma

pieces of me that I left under love's doormat.

To all these missing pieces,

without which

I just cannot be.

I am a product of my society

with so many labels

that it is hard for me to learn

about this person who once used to be

"true self"