Limerence

Every now and then

I'm able to control

My brain enough

To clear the

Fog that is

You.

Your words on my screen,

Your face on my feed,

Your art in my inbox,

Sometimes I don't

Check obsessively for

Updates,

Or look at your old

Work, or

Message something silly

Just to get a

Response;

To know that

If only for a moment

You were forced to

Think of me;

The idea that

We were thinking of

Each other.

You've never been

Out of my mind,

Not since we met

Though I tried to

Bury my feelings,

Through relationships,

Alcohol,

marriage and

Divorce,

You were

Always

There.

Sometimes I thought

I could hate you,

But I always came

Back to

Admiration,

Your honesty,

The heartbreak.

That stupid letter

I wish I could just

Send or delete.

It's so out of date

But I can't bring myself

To change it.

If I had only

Waited

For you to come

Around, we could have

Run the course

And ruined

Our friendship

But at least I wouldn't

Have this nagging

Unfinished

Pull towards you.

Why couldn't you have

Found someone

To be happy with?

Your sadness

Makes me want to

save you,

Come to you and

Comfort,

Give you

Everything you never had,

But I still don't think

It would work

In real life

Like it does

in my

mind.

***

When we were

Younger, and you told

Me everything,

I hoped I

Was there somewhere

In between

The words

Unsaid

Like you were

In my every

Pinter Pause…

The rifts and

Canyons where

All my deepest

Desires lie–

The ice that

Stopped my

Tongue with

The chill of

A knife.

My confession

When I opened

My heart and

Bled, and you

Were brutally

Honest, (as always)

I reveled in

The gift that

Was the death

Of hope, even

As my heart

Broke.

Why, then, now,

Again?

Wouldn't it

Only be a

Cruelty

Considering the

Distance

Between

Us?

***

I realized

One day

(once more)

That you didn't

Feel the same.

It was no big

Event;

I tried to

Say something

And you didn't

Listen,

Didn't stop

To ask what

I was feeling

Just went about

Your day,

Leaving me

Behind with

My words left

To go cold in

My mouth,

There i

Recognized

The futility of

Dreaming,

The fantasy

Of all these

Moments i'd

Built so far up

In my head

And the world

Shattered all

Around me

s o.

q u I e t l y.

and you didn't even

Turn

To see me

go.