Letter 09/06/21

09/06/21

Dear Unnamed,

Do you remember how you used to always ask me about my boyfriend? You did this as far back as I can remember. You asked me this for years before I ever even had my first boyfriend. I’ve had several boyfriends since you’ve died. I thought the last one could have lasted forever. We were together a year and a half and we were madly in love, but I loved him more.

My current boyfriend is very sweet. I’m 20 now and he is 24. What do you think of that age gap? Does it bother you? If it does, would it change your mind if I told you how happy I am? He’s so sweet, Papa.

No one had ever bought me dinner before, but he did. And he opens the door for me every single time we get into and out of the car. He is driving me 4 hours back home in a few days. And he calls me love. His cat loves me. I think I’d like to marry this man one day.

And I know that sounds insane. I know what I listed above doesn’t seem like enough reasons to want to spend your life with someone. And there’s a chance I could be very wrong about this relationship. I thought my last one would last forever then after a year and a half, he just up and left. He disappeared practically without a word. I wish I could better explain it to you. Anyways, I thought that could last forever and it ended like an exploding frait train that left me considering revenge suicide. If that doesn’t explain my mental state after that heartache, I don’t know what would.

So I could be painfully mistaken about him. I could end up just as broken as I did last time. But Jasyn loves me. And Nick did too, but he admitted to loving me less than I loved him. He didn’t want me like I wanted him. He loved the way I loved him more than he actually loved me. That’s not the case with Jasyn. That’s why I think it could last. He’s already told me that he can imagine marrying me, that he daydreams about it sometimes. His roommate talks about us living together one day, all of us together. She said he is crazy about me and she thinks we’ll last. He said he knows we will. I have hope, but I don’t know how much f a fool that makes me.

Love,

Yours