just living

i would like to think that i am happier

or that i am doing better than before

maybe i coped with the pain

or to say that i’m just used to it

every day is always the same

the same routine all over again

i don’t even feel like i am living

i am just existing in my own world

i like to imagine what my life could have been like

if i was someone else

someone who wasn't broken

someone who didn't get betrayed lied to , abused, used

maybe i would be happier

perhaps then i would look forward to life

instead, i get by every day hoping it would be better the next day

i’m jealous of the people who did me wrong

because they are living their lives

while i’m here with the trauma and betrayal

the people who do you wrong end up just living

with no care about what they did to you

while you're living in survival mode

i guess that is how life goes

the kindest hearts always get treated like shit