Indigo In Between

My young eyes saw every color,

Felt every touch

From their essence

In my heart,

My stomach,

And in my little hands.

Auras emanating from

Those who brought me here.

With every feeling

And every tender look

Exploding from deep brown eyes

Embracing me with open arms.

Laughter pouring over me

From their pink tongues,

White teeth,

And stained lips.

Engulfing

The little girl who was afraid of red,

Often times felt blue,

But thought she needed to be yellow.

I saw beauty in everyone’s hair

Dyed and locked

With turquoise and pink

Curly and brown,

Black with golden streaks.

Pierced and tattooed skin

Painted my face

Boldly;

Telling me it's okay to be

Whatever color feels like me.

I wanted dresses that spun,

Shoes that sparkled,

And dolls that could fly,

But darkness couldn’t shut my eyes.

I’d stare into it

Telling it I was unafraid.

I danced,

I painted,

I laughed,

And I cried.

Because there was more to me inside.

Would they be mad if they really knew

The deeper me that:

Disagreed,

Wanted to be alone,

And felt free

Outside of what

They wanted from me?

Could they accept

The hues in the between?

With each layer shed,

I learned

That I didn’t have to be,

Feel,

Need,

One thing.

That I could feel,

Want,

And connect to the complexities

That surrounded me;

Regardless of other people’s expectations

Of me.

I was attracted to the darkness,

Even though there was sunshine in my soul.

Without picking a side over what

I should,

Needed,

Wanted to be.

I found indigo

In between.