Hypochondria

I get chest pains, especially at night.

I hope it’s just dehydration, not something more serious like angina.

I’ve read that this can be an early warning sign of heart failure or heart attack.

I hope not, I’m not ready to go yet, however much I talk shit about life.

I came here on a mission and I can’t leave until that mission is done. I’ve barely started, I wasted years dicking around.

I don’t even remember the last time I fantasized about suicide.

It was probably yesterday to be honest, but I don’ think I’ve fantasized about killing myself yet today.

The day is still young, it’s only 3 PM and this is mid-morning for me.

I better hope I’m just dehydrated, because I don’t want to take my chances at a hospital these days. They’re all fucked up with Covid.

I also have a tumor near my heart that could be causing this pain and restricting blood flow. My hands and feet have felt more tingly lately. I think I’m becoming diabetic.

My dentists says I grind my teeth more than anyone he’s ever seen my age.

I think I have testicular cancer. One of my balls is fucked up, I dribble urine, and I can’t get a full erection. Something is wrong and my doc says I’m too young to be experiencing these problems.

I think we’re all experiencing a lot of problems that we’re too young to face. I’m talking about health problems, not any of the cultural, social, or existential problems that we’re definitely too young for.

I think electronics and the internet have caused more mental and physical health problems than we realized.

And climate change is going to bring incomprehensible damage to our bodies.

It’s about to get unimaginably hot and we’ll be lucky if anyone survives the next fifty years.