Hailstones
A sonnet
Thanks to Poppy again for raising another challenge to get us Vocal people thinking and creating. You can read about this challenge here:
The words this month are:
Hail Mould Vanilla Compass Spiderweb
One of my favourite writers on Vocal is D. J. Reddall who writes a sonnet every day as well as other stuff about the Edmonton Oilers and his favourite pubs, all of it excellent.
You can check him out here:
I don't write many sonnets but D. J. has inspired me. It might not be strict to form but it sort of follows the tenets of what's required.
Sat on the porch, lit by black moonlight
The hard sound of hard hail rattles above,
A swig from the bottle to drown out the night;
To take out the vanilla sting of lost love.
Ice pellets cover green white, like marbles.
Supplicant grass leaves recoil from their blast;
Spiderwebs crafted, hung like hammocks, sparkle;
Hail's cannon tears them, shreds: not made to last.
I've lost my way, lost my love: I am lost.
The compass steering me is spinning, wild.
Alcohol warms me but what is its cost?
Salt descends, mucus too. Myself, I revile.
Chances of me breaking out of this mould
Diminish with liquor and hailstone cold.
Thanks for stopping by! If you do read this story, please leave a comment as I do love to interact with my readers.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Keep reading
More stories from Rachel Deeming and writers in Poets and other communities.
Comments (9)
Wonderfully wonderfully written! 'the vanilla sting of lost love.' was such an excellent phrase! Wow! I adore the tone and feel of this. So well written Rachel!
This was so poignantly beautiful! I loved the spiderwebs hanging like hammocks the most!
Though the hailstones for me would provide a sort of rhythmic comfort, allowing me to wallow just enough to rise when the storm was over.
I actually have no idea what the sonnet form rules are, but you've used it to great effect here, the imagery and how it relates to the internal state are fantastic.
Rachel I love the imagery and overall mood of this piece!! It kind of put me in the mood for spring... but that might also be because I've over the snow!!! (In Alberta we've literally had like 6 inches of snow fall in the last 24 hours) 😅
This is beautiful. Vanilla sting and spiderweb hammocks. What a great visual. Well done.
I agree with DK. I can hear the cacophony of the hail storm and feel the backdrop of the anguish at love lost. Well done, Rachel!
Take it from someone who just wrote 15 average sonnets, this is excellent! “Vanilla sting of lost love” and the spiderwebs “hung like hammocks” were my favorite parts
🙌 Hoorah! All five prompt words in a sonnet! ‘ Spiderwebs crafted, hung like hammocks, sparkle; Hail's cannon tears them, shreds: not made to last.’… whimsical.