fights with my mind

Each day starts

Trying not to fall apart

Trying to escape from the dark

Trying not to set off

My mental alarm

Trying not to cause myself harm

The complexity

And intensity

Of my instability

And insecurity

Is almost incomprehensible

To someone sensible

My clothes don’t fit

And I feel sick

And I’d like to cry

But I’m not sure why

Looking through my phone

Reminds me I’m alone

I feel it in my bones

I’m about to lose all control

The medication helps

But it can’t fix my sense of self

It won’t change the hand cards I’ve been dealt

It can’t reverse the pain that’s made my heart melt

I can’t always rely on others

To pull me out from under

The thick, gray covers

Of deep-rooted bummer

I’d love to explore

But I have nowhere to go

I always implore

For something more

But I don’t know

If it’s for sure

That I deserve

Anything of worth

I long to see

The version of me

Who’s confidently

And beautifully

A visionary

A legendary

A captivating

Inspiration

I’ll be there one day

As long as it may take

The day the pain

Even starts to fade

Is the day I know I’ll be okay

Which will be a day to celebrate

I spend so much time

Fighting with my mind

And detangling the intertwined

Misaligned

Undefined

Thoughts and emotions of a wild ride

My insight is sharp

And I know that I’m smart

So why is it so hard

To completely depart

The mentality of cynicism

And hold on to the optimism?