Dear Cottage Cheese… I hate you.

Dear (well, I wouldn't even go that far) Cottage Cheese,

You are a disgrace to your name.

I love cottages and cheese,

but somehow BOTH you’ve managed to completely defame.

Cottages are cozy,

comforting and cute–

but all you do is sour our guts

and make my kids toot.

Cheese is an absolute treat– especially swiss, parm,

mozzarella, brie, and my fave cheese, sharp cheddar.

But you truly suck at your job–

you taste like curdled ocean water, and don't make anything taste better.

Your curds are gross mush,

a complete textural nightmare.

The rest of you just didn't have the motivation to be solid?

What a lazy excuse for cheese, it's like you don't even care.

Sure you’re chalk full of protein

and touted as a healthy thing to eat,

but I can't stomach your existence,

I’d rather eat my own feet!

Somehow you show up everywhere- at salad bars (yuck)

and as a side on the menu (who orders you over french fries!?!?!?)

with nuts, berries, crackers,

or straight up…just EWWW!!!!

If I could kick you off the planet, I would–

I wouldn't for a moment hesitate.

I’d package every last sloppy bit

and send you off to outer space.

Although, aliens shouldn't have to deal with

such foul, gross, and lame food–

so instead, I’d send you to the core of the earth

where you belong…yes, only the underworld deserves the likes of you.

Although, I doubt Hades would even put you on the menu.

If you show your vile face we’ll have issues,

so you better hope I don’t see you later.

Not So Sincerely,

Your Biggest Hater

……………………..

This was written in response to a writing prompt by Paul Stewart and Donna Renee: Write a poem, letter, story, ect. about a food or beverage you strongly dislike.

If you join in the fun put the link to yours in my comments and I’ll add it to my piece!

Check out more from this stomach turning challenge:

This is a nice little rebuttal I got from Paul *cough* I mean, Mr. Cottage C. Heese…