Carbon Dated

It finally seems I’ve reached that point

Where everything makes noise

Rebellion reigns in every joint

And that includes “my boyz”

I saw my wife there on the bed

She sure was looking hot

My little blue pill buddy said

“A miracle I’m not”

When I stand up there’s popping sounds

The older that I get

I’ve also gained some added pounds

Just breathing makes me sweat

I told my lovely wife today

Our neighbor says I’m sweet

She didn’t hesitate to say

“You’re way too fat to cheat”

I need a colonoscopy

That’s what the doctors say

Those always will embarrass me

My “gate” don’t swing that way

It’s all that prepping we must do

Yep, things get pretty gross

When nature calls, I’ll trample you

A bathroom must be close

Next week my prostate gets a test

This too I so despise

His giant finger does its best

To separate my eyes

I suffer such indignity

By doing things I’m told

I’m decades past maturity

“Officially, too old”