Blowing Smoke

I wish I realized that when we fought on the patio,

When you took that long drag from your cigarette

And blew the smoke of yours words into my eyes,

That you were warning me through smoke signals

Because you knew I'd ignore your words anyway.

.

It was a pattern of bad behavior, ignoring you.

But I can't shoulder the blame alone when it was you

Who started the miscommunications, the lying by omission,

The dancing with the devil in the streets and telling me

That it was lightning, not hellfire, that I was seeing.

.

You shoved your goodbyes in the door of my car,

Slammed it shut and walked away like that wasn't

The most cowardly thing you could do,

Like it was some sort of clear message to run, hide,

Leave the town before my dreams blew up in my face.

.

I could only taste the smoke riding your scolding.

Because they were different words than normal, you see?

They weren't sweet and caustic but cold like ice,

Metallic as though you'd been chewing on your tongue,

Chewing on the words long enough to pick up the blood.

.

When I breathed in that cigarette smoke, I caught nothing

That belonged to your lungs, your heart, your soul.

Your thoughts tasted like fresh earth after a rain and your

Easy reprimands lingered like too-strong alcohol on my tongue.

It burned and I was addicted to that kind of trouble.

.

But this, oh this was the farthest thing from normal.

It tore me apart, carved invisible wounds in my chest

And wrapped a rope around my lungs on an exhale.

This wasn't you but the shadow you were shifting into,

The monster that would find the courage to say goodbye.

______________________________________

A/N: Another one in the Cigarettes and Smoke Series. The rest are below!

Cigarettes and Reapers

Cigarettes and Bedsheets

Cigarettes and Placeholder Dreams

Cigarettes and Wildfires

Cigarettes and Cheap Highs

Cigarettes and Car Rides

Cigarettes and Blood Lust

Cigarettes and Empty Thoughts