Baggage

Lately

I've been feeling weighed down by all this baggage

And there's a lot to unpack

So many buckles

Locks with no keys

And straps

Like these abandonment issues

I keep tucked away in the the fanny pack around my waist

Right next to the harsh words from my mother

And the radio silence from my father

The only constant in life so far

A self fulfilling prophesy

Retold by unhealed wounds

Caused by enormous insecurities

Trapped

In a backpack I keep close

I wear it almost like an armor

An excuse

To distrust kind words and actions

Swat away affection

And keep everyone 3 of Michael Phelps arms length away

My mental health resides in a water jug

No matter how much I pour

It's never great

It can never get full

It's not tragic

It never gets empty

It just stays in an uncomfortable limbo

A stagnation that slowly eats away

At my resolve to keep going

And this wouldn't be too dangerous

It wouldn't be too taxing

If it wasn't for all of the

Unresolved trauma

I walk around with satchels and purses

Slinging around suitcases stuffed to the brim with trash bags

That could explode at any minute

Because I haven't found a way to deal with it

And to deal with it

I'd have to be one hell of an organizer

I'm talking Marie Kondo level

To deal with all this trouble

You See

I've tried to compartmentalize

To make sense of it all

The more I try to unpack

And try to carry

I feel like

I could just fall

From all the weight

And pressure

That leaves cracks

Along all the carriers

And the zippers are near bursting

I can't take anymore

So I let go

And I hear glasses breaking

Ropes snapping

Is this truly happening?

The weight is off my shoulders

Scattered all around me

What do I do next?

Do I pick up the pieces?

Try to reassemble or rearrange

The life I once knew

Or do I turn a new

Page and try to live freely

To wash off these labels

And examine what I see

To strip off all this armor

Until there's nothing left but me

I don't know where to go from here

But my feet move a bit lighter

A bit quicker

I'm still a fighter

This is who I am

Without all this

Baggage