Alphabet Soup Featuring the Letters W, H, and A

If you are anything like me (you are not) than you think Vocal's writing challenges are anodyne, boring, cliche, and frankly stupid. Write a short fiction story about/featuring/mentioning a (fill in blank with some random everyday object associated with some literary "classic" story). Not to put to fine a point on it but yawn. How about trying something a little more challenging and a hell of a lot more interesting like the following writing challenge. Compose a poem, or a few poems, in which the first letter of every word is the same. The poem was be (mostly) grammatically correct and the story it tells actually make sense and not just be a string of gobbledy. My entry, a hybrid poem/short fiction tale with a very dark twist, using the W, H, and A is below. Can you do better?

W — What Would Wanda Wear?

Where would Wesley work?

Would Wesley work with William?

Would Wesley work with Wanda? Would William work with Wanda? Would Wanda whack Wesley’s wang while William watched? Who would whack William’s wang? Would Wesley? Would Wanda? Without Wanda whacking wangs, William, Wesley, would waste wads without warning. Without Wesley working; William, Wanda, would wear white wigs.

Wigs? White wigs? William? Wanda?

Wearing white wigs would win William weed.

What?

Would win William weed.

When William won weed, Where William went?

William went west with weed winnings.

Went where white wigs work.

Wow! Wait? What? White wigs work? When?

Whenever white wigs want work.

Where?

Wherever white wigs want work.

Who would wear wigs when working?

William would.

Without, within, whenever, wherever, wigs William would wear. William would wear wigs. White wigs.

Wonderful.

Wanda wore wigs. Wanda was whore. Whores wear white wigs. Weird whores.

Wore wig when working with William.

When William was without worry.

Without worry William was wonderful.

Without wallet William was without Wanda.

Without William Wanda was wonderful. World was wonderful.

Wow!

Damn that William sure likes his wigs. He has a wig fetish or something is what I heard. Freak.

H — Harry Hates Helmets

Another quick question;

Had Harry had his heart hurt? Hell, He had? How? He had hurt his hip.

He had hurt his hip helping his hippo hide.

Hippos! Hah!

How Harry hurt hip?

He hurt his hand.

His hand? He hurt his hand helping his hornfrog hop headfirst home

Heck, Harry hurts himself hourly.

He hurts himself, however he has history. His history has him hating helmets.

Hating helmets? Huh?

Harry hates helmets. He hates helmets, has hated helmets, hopes helmets hear his hate.

Damn. I guess he fucking hates helmets. Another Weirdo like Wanda. Helmets are lifesavers, hope he hits his head. Would serve him right.

A — Amy Ate All Ashley’s Apples

You hear what Amy did?

Amy ate all Ashley’s apples. Ate Ashley’s apples and also ate aluminum argots and American art, also Ashley's apples again.

Ate American art? Ate aluminum argots? Amy asshole. Amy act all asslike, all asanine, all Andyish, almost as asslike as Andy.

Andyish?

Andy always ate Amy’s apples and acted asinine. Always.

Acting asanine and apple accosting added Andy an area asshole award.

Alright Andy! Award, Awesome.

Andy alright.

I’m not sure I understand. So Amy was an asshole for eating Ashley’s apples. All of a sudden Andy does the same damn thing, he gets a fucking award. Talk about double standards.

What’s an aluminum argot?

An argot is a language that is specific to a certain group. For instance pilots have a shared argot, and so do police and firefighters. Metalworkers do as well. Oddly enough the men and women of the aluminum industry have a highly developed and extensive argot. Thus the term aluminum argot . In this case it was meant to imply having a well developed shared language specific to a group, the group of aluminum industry workers, not just any old shared language. That would just be an argot.

It is really a compliment. So how could you eat that? Eat a compliment? It is a figure of speech, a turn of phrase, an idiom, a maxim, a highly stylized representational form of a definition implying that one could (beat, overcome, destroy) their enemy by eating (destroying) their shared language. Basically an English majors put down fight taunt.

As a for instance, on the playground little Johnnie from the local prep school points and laughs at Timmy from the other prep school. As he laughs he says. Timmy I could eat your aluminum argot anytime, anyplace, anywhere. So Timmy starts balling because he’s a big baby. I mean he is ten years old but still sleeps with a nightlight and sucks his thumb. Plus he wets the bed two or three times a month still. His parents are taking him to the best doctors in town but the stupid psych doctor tries to tell them it’s normal behavior.

Well Tim’s dad is not having that shit. If he acted like that when he was a kid his dad would have whupped him so hard with a belt he wouldn’t have been able to sit for weeks. And his dad did whup him, with a belt and a chain and worse. The emotional scars drove him to become the bitter, angry, alcoholic he is today. Of course he beats Tim’s mom when he’s drunk. Which is every night. Unsurprisingly this is the cause of Timmy’s bed wetting problem. Anyway, the eat aluminum argot crack made him cry like a baby. His dad caught him balling and put his lit cigarette out on the back of his head. This only caused Timmy to cry even harder. His dad was really angry now, and really drunk. It just wasn’t as fun beating on Timmy as it was beating on his wife. He broke three of her ribs that night. Poor Timmy, looks like he really does eat aluminum argot.

Brought to to you by our good friends at Alcoa — The aluminum company. When you think aluminum you think Alcoa, and foil, we know you definitely think of aluminum foil when you think aluminum, everybody does. That and soda/beer cans.