A Poem on the Aftermath of Rape.

I lay awake at night with the tv on to drown out the noise in my head

To drown out the screaming silence of past nights

Surrounding myself with soft blankets to smother and erase your touch

Engulfed in new lovers to create a sense of control

I spend my days making pots to create an illusion within myself that I can spark positivity from this injustice

My mind races with your words

With flashing memories, I break and fall at the thought

Desperately searching for comfort in joys of my generation

Frantically running away from any spark of your memory

Drowning in particularities

My attempts to create a safe space have forced myself into seclusion

In to a life filled with thin ice

Whilst every so often, I dip my toe in warm water as an effort to elude myself with the concept of normalcy

And when may I ask

were you lying awake at night

drowning out silence and erasing your past

When were you running away from your memory of me?

When was I even a thought in your mind

This thin ice you walk was frozen by you

and it certainly is not as thin as mine.

For mine can be broken

or better, thawed by my healing

So I may rest knowing that you can never take back what you’ve done

but I can take back my sexuality

retrieve my sense of normalcy

my safety

my power

my body

my life.