Why Having Goals May Hurt Instead of Help You

I love having goals. I love having to-do lists everyday where I feel like a million dollars after checking off that final task. I love going to bed that same evening and resting peacefully, because I got a lot done and my day was well spent.

I think a lot of our brains work the same way. After all, growing up in school and college is a lot of just that.

“To do for today: Get up, check. Go to class, check. Eat food, check. Do homework, check. Go to another class, extracurricular activity, or home. Finish homework. All done.

Now it’s evening and just about two hours until bed, before I get up to do another list of things the next day.”

That kind of productive mindset is established within us so heavily and early on, it’s no wonder that planners are one of the most “necessary productivity tools.”

Here’s the thing though, as much as I love having a pretty planner as the next person, there’s a problem with living life that way.

It’s not how it works.

J.R.R. Tolkien and his Lord of the Rings Trilogy has one of the most meaningful quotes about life of all time.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I am also seeing this quote more often too (which I’m perfectly fine with, as this is my favorite quote). We need to though. This quote eloquently states that life isn’t about the end destination, it’s the journey.

Life’s End Destination.

Goals illustrate what you want the end destination to be after an action or big project, and then you’re completely done with it. This could be having hosted a birthday party, or having announced a new product online. But with life itself, there is only one end destination. It’s when your life is over and you’re completely done with it; hitting the finish line with nothing more afterwards. Can you guess it?

To put it simply, life’s end destination is death. That’s what happens when life is over. You die.

So saying that your goal in life is “getting old and retiring peacefully” is not a final goal, but just another path to take in your journey of life. There’s way more to life than hitting those milestones: living more of life.

Life continues after you get old and retire. This is great, because then you can experience what it’s like to be retired. Your life is not over when you check that off your list of things to do. It’s not an end destination and you don’t die, or are completely done, right after accomplishing it. You have more life to enjoy!

In the end, don’t tell me that your life goal is to go to school or get old and retire, because then I will ask you “What about the rest of your life?”

Which leads further into the problem of having goals pertaining to life.

The “Now What?” After a Goal

It’s easy for people to become so goal oriented, that what happens after that goal being accomplished is ignored. No one knows what to do next when they actually finish that end goal.

“Yes! I got my to-do list done for today. So wait, now what? Well, I have enough time in the day to get something else done, then today will be extra productive and I’ll be ahead!”

How about you just enjoy life; enjoy the journey. Don’t make another list of to-do’s because you still have time in the day. Don’t make tomorrow’s to-do list and force your brain to start thinking about tomorrow when today is still here.

Other than my previous statement that you have more life to live after a goal, if you only keep focusing on the goals you want to achieve, you will let life slip by so quickly that you’ll just end up wondering what happened. Having a goal oriented life is also a never ending cycle. Because once the “now what” leaves your lips, your mind and body will feel like they have to create another goal to having something else to do. Therefore you keep working and working on to-dos to accomplish, and doing that is easily all work and no play.

How did you react to my statement of not tell me that your life goal is to go to school or get old and retire, and thus asking “what about the rest of your life?” Did you rattle off in your head more goals to accomplish, like getting married, having children, or buying a house? If so, my response to each one will be “then what?”

“Get married.”

“Then what?”

“Buy a house.”

“Then what?”

“Have children and pets.”

“Then what?”

“Get my kids to school.”

“Then what?”

“Watch kids get married and have children of their own.”

“Then what?”

“Retire with my significant other.”

“Then what?”

“… I don’t know.”

“Then you die? Is that everything you want before you die? Is that all you need in life to be happy and fulfilled?”

“No. I want to do more than that. Like, have fun with it all.”

Bingo.

These milestones are great, but that’s all they are. If anyone should have a life goal, it’s to live life fully until you hit life’s end destination and die. Have fun with the time that you are spending on being married, having kids, owning a house, etc.

You are definitely allowed to have a to-do list or a milestone goal to reach, but the important thing is that you don’t do the following:

1. Treat them as the end all be all with a “I’m done and did what I wanted to do.”
2. Let the work rule your life.
3. Have completing those goals be the only thing that makes you feel fulfilled and accomplished.

That’s not how it works. Life is a continuous journey until you die, so don’t cut it short with hyper-focusing on the milestones.

The Time Before the Goal

The same goes with experiencing your journey as you are working toward a goal. The reason, again, being that there’s just so much more to life.

Say you’re a newly graduated college student whose biggest goal was to earn a degree. Of course, it’s impressive to get a degree, but it’s not just the degree you got that people want to know about. People want to know the stories and lessons you have gone through while accomplishing it.

For example, it’s way more exciting to remember the good and bad times you went through trying to earn that bachelor’s degree and doing shenanigans with your roommates, instead of the simple statement of “yup, I graduated college with a Bachelor’s in International Relations.”

I’d rather hear “through studying I learned how to be open-minded and evaluate the perceptions and stories that societies have in relation to themselves and others. I also had tons of fun playing a campus-wide game of Hide-and-Seek with my friends after the sun went down, and having a friend print a picture of the Holy Grail and hide it for the rest of us to find on campus.”

Yes, I would love to talk theory and philosophy of societies to have an intellectual conversation. Yet, do also tell me the story of how your one friend actually climbed up a tree, and hid so well in the darkness that it took over an hour to find him. To add to that, I can’t believe someone hid the picture of the Holy Grail in a place on campus that had a construction project start the next day, making the grail forever lost.

Mindfulness and Expectations

Now some of you may get to this point of my rambling and go “okay, sure Linds. Live life and don’t focus on specific goals. But you’ll need at least some idea of what to do to actually get somewhere.”

I will tell you yes, having a sort of direction on where to go can help you move forward. Just don’t have your life planned out to the fine details, and don’t expect everything to go exactly the way you want. Enjoy the ride and learn from it to keep moving.

My own life has been quite the journey that, to a lot of people, seems a bit all over the place. My idea of a career and success has changed about four times in the last few years, and therefore, my skills and industry experience is a large variety. Some people thought it was a bad sign; that I didn’t know what to do, and wasn’t going to get anywhere. However not “knowing what I wanted to do with life” helped me more than anything else.

Now, everything is coming together thanks to being open to new ideas and self-discovery. Experiencing my own journey that is life, with a lesser focus on big goals (especially in career) and more concerned with enjoying my time, was what made the most impact. I’ve been wandering for the past few years, that’s for sure, but I sure wasn’t lost.

My point in all of this is to detach from the expectations you may have on how you want your life to be. In my experience, being more excited about what great opportunities life can provide has been more fruitful than thinking “this desire is exactly what I want and nothing else will work for me.” You are more than welcome to have the desire, but be open to other ideas. It gets very fun to see what life provides you.

So my friends, here we are. If there is anything I want you to take from this, it’s to lay off on the goals and to-do lists a bit. Be mindful of the time you’re actually using to get closer to those goals, and enjoy the actual experience of getting to the goal instead of just completing it. And if something happens where your goals need to be changed, don’t sweat it.

Enjoy the journey. Let go of specific expectations, because life is unpredictable and full of unknowns to discover.

Go wander and never worry about being “lost.”