Why 2020 Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
A toast to bad endings and new beginnings
As this year's Thanksgiving has ended, and we dive into the last month of the year, I've taken a look back at the year we've all had. Between a pandemic, an election, and a strong stance from movements that needed to be heard, we all know that a lot has happened. Yet we still have a little over a month left to endure.
Given that 2020 has become an actual meme with how bad everything has been, I'm glad we can still all joke through the hard times. I, myself, have had maybe the worst year I've ever had. And that's just outside of all the crap going on in the world.
This is usually the time we take to reflect on our year and how it played out, maybe this is the time we will start to make plans for the upcoming year. Sometimes that means making resolutions that may or may not fail within the first week.
All I know right now, is that I've overcome more than I ever thought possible. There were things I never thought would happen but it did. Yet, somehow, someway, I found a way to the other side and shine.
And looking back, I have no idea how I got through it all
There's only so much a human being can take before completely breaking. I've been broken a multitude of times in less than a year's time, and if we're honest, it all started from the beginning.
In January: I found out I was pregnant after losing a child just last year. While this should have been a happy moment, it was filled with distress with guilt from my last child and wondering if I could be a mom of three. This feeling continued throughout my pregnancy.
In June: My friend killed herself after years of battling her mental health, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around her really being gone.
In July: I had my worst month, and the most devastating time in my life. And while a lot of awful things happened this month, it wasn't as horrible as finding out my 12-year-old sister had physically and sexually abused my 5-year-old son.
In August: I was put in a position where I had to cut off my family and almost everyone in our lives to protect my children and myself.
And although this may not seem like a lot, my whole world was turned upside down. I learned things I wasn't sure I was ready to learn, I found the true colors of people that I thought loved my children and me.
And although the lessons weren't exactly fun- they were a reminder of all the good things that happened this year
We could sit here, and dwell on all the bad that's happened this year or we could take time to reflect on all the good things that happened this year.
In May: We found out our baby was a little boy. My husband's first biological boy after only conceiving girls.
In July: I got to meet my biological dad again in a new light and without my mother's negative influence. Turns out, I want to be just like him when I grow up.
In August: I gave birth to our precious little boy. He's a Leo and he's fantastic.
In October: I finally admitted to myself that my startup idea was what I was meant to do with my life, without my family telling me I was going to fail, and I genuinely got to work.
In November: I realized how and why I've been holding myself back for years. This also made me realize I needed the lessons that 2020 provided me to exist in order for me to move on in my life.
I know I'm not the only person who had a rough year. From what I know, everyone and their dog had a never-ending nightmare of a year. but I want to take a chance to sit back and really understand everything that happened and understand why we may have needed it to.
I needed this year to happen. I needed to learn all the lessons that I learned, to find my voice, to have the courage to pack my entire life up and start new.
But don't get it twisted, none of this has been easy. I've developed severe anxiety and depression in the midst of everything. I've come close to killing myself full-heartedly believing my husband and kids would be better off. Fully believing it was my fault that my son got hurt.
It took a long while but I'm finally realizing none of that was true. My life wasn't at it's end point, if I had just waited it out a little longer, I'd have realized that my life was about to be starting over. Which is something I'm so thankful for.
And This New Chapter... It's Exactly What We Need
In 2021, we get a chance at a real new start; a new place, a new state, and especially new opportunities.
This next year, I'm going to finally begin my startup with nothing holding back. I'll meet new people, and create new experiences with the idea that every second in our life counts, so it's important not to waste them.
I'll make it a priority to continue developing my relationship with my husband and always going above and beyond for the man that kindles my heart every single day. He's my favorite, and I will continue to make that known to him.
New opportunities will be available for my children, and I will find new ways to help them grow in each of their own special ways.
My son will get even better help with his communication skills, and we will continue encouraging his creative heart in every way that we can. My daughter will finally get to go to preschool, and do her absolutely favorite thing: learn.
This year our worlds were turned upside down
We had to learn how to wear masks everywhere we went, and understand what the cost of not doing so meant. We had to stand together to fight the injustices of this country, and learn things about one another that we were blind to before. We had to learn the importance of communication and learn new ways to keep our lives going even in the middle of a global pandemic.
While we will still be in a pandemic as the new year rolls in, at least we know now what we hadn't before, and maybe we will finally be able to put it to an end. We can take this opportunity to thrive and achieve our goals, despite.
We can remember all the crap that we went through this year and truly own it. It's time to tell ourselves, hey, this was awful and unfortunate but I made it, and I am phenomenal for overcoming it.
Because if you can get through 2020, then you can do anything.