Two-Headed Dragon Beside Me

I recognize that my writing often stems from dark and negative experiences. Unfortunately, these negatives serve as fuel for my creative mind. However, I would love to share a story about two remarkable women who have inspired me. They exude positivity in every way, their warm and nurturing presence embracing me like a lifelong friendship. This alone should serve as the highest praise for their empowering work.

The first person I want to mention is Caroline Strawson. She was there for me during my lowest point, offering support without judgment. Her wisdom, scientific background, and personal experiences helped guide me. Caroline herself had hit rock bottom ten years ago when her narcissistic husband took away everything she held dear–her health, marriage, home, and more. She would often recount the story of using the end of a toothpaste tube to scratch her thigh and feel physical pain, to escape the mental and emotional anguish. She had two young children who now are the teenagers. Despite her hardships, she rose like a phoenix and created the world's only School of Trauma Informed Positive Psychology. Like every woman who has no choice but to prove her worth, Caroline's journey is inspiring. Her every word holds immense value to me.

I come from a narcissistic family background. My father, an overt narcissist, subjected me to physical, mental, emotional, and psychological abuse throughout my entire life. When he passed away, my mother, who had stood by him all those years (with occasional slip-ups), decided to fully embrace her narcissistic tendencies as well. While she was by his side, she acted as a covert narcissist, but now that he's gone, she has become more open about her behaviour. It seems like she is using my sister (or perhaps it's the other way around) to wage war against me.

Dealing with narcissists is not a simple matter. They do not consciously choose to become narcissists; it seems to happen unintentionally and without their awareness. Since they lack self-awareness, they project their wounds and negative behaviour to others. Their refusal to engage in introspection or address the underlying mechanisms driving their actions leads them to believe that others are at fault, rather than themselves. However, the reality is quite the opposite. In her insightful analysis, Caroline Strawson delves into the intricacies of narcissism, considering the dynamics within the family.

It turns out that when you have gone through trauma; you develop a heightened sensitivity to the wounds of others and feel a strong desire to assist them. Individuals like myself who have experienced such hardships make excellent candidates for becoming therapists because we can truly empathize with their struggles. Caroline has played a vital role in my journey of healing, enabling me to recognize and strengthen this ability. I am immensely grateful for her wisdom and unwavering support throughout every stage of my process.

The second woman I admire is Jessica Brody. She is a writer and her course, Mastery Writing Academy, helped me get through a difficult time when I felt stuck and didn't know where I was going with my writing. My book, which I finished (although it is a rough draft), along with my collection of books, music, and films, was the only thing that kept me alive when things went wrong again. Little did I know I would soon meet Caroline and experience more struggles that mirrored my collapse twenty years ago. However, by consistently writing my book, I could open up and overcome destructive behaviours, such as anger. I learned to refocus and keep going, no matter what.

Because Jessica's method is simple: write, no matter what. There are many writing rituals, and she teaches us to find our own path and not look back, as we will discover more along the way. This reminds me of my walks in February when I challenged myself to walk 58 miles for Mind, a mental health charity in the UK. Every time I left the house, I came back, no matter how long or difficult the journey was. This attitude is great for people like me who forget that finishing the race leads to a reward. In writing, the most important thing is to sit down and write, just like in walking. The most important thing is to keep moving. For me, writing also serves to release anxiety, so l am addressing the psychology while writing.

Ever since I can remember, I have always sought guidance in my life. Words of wisdom, hope, strength, and resilience have always been what I yearned for. And it was in the words and actions of Caroline and Jessica that I found them. One cannot measure the value of their impactful lives in material possessions.

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Thank you for reading!