Tricking the trigger

2021. It has only just begun for some; for others they are moving about in their 30's and feeling the struggle of the year gone by . For many of us old, new, or middle aged it is a beginning.

For me it is the mark of my 62nd birthday Last year was absolutely NOT the year I had to deal with Covid-19. I did what I was told at first and didn't do much of anything. That did not hold true after about June when the weather started warming and the sure signs of the beginnings of life were sprouting their heads outside my window and the birds were carrying on their usual spring time activities. It was also the first year of my sobriety. I was 1 year and 9 months sober.

I had learned so much in that time. How to handle this disease. The questions of how having it to help me sleep at night; and just randomly having bottles hidden in my house so I would never run out of the potion for my use and abuse. to cope with the feelings of wanting a drink so badly I could taste it; using it as a control mechanism for my depression; or just plain forgetting that I felt no longer needed by anyone. Not to mention nothing of the constant shaking of my hands.

I was "budding" into the new woman I wanted to be. My own roots had been nourished through the months of AA and friends and volunteering. I had kept myself busy in the big book and regularly as each month passed I kept track of my sobriety with my jar of pebbles and my rewards as months had turned into a year!

Ah but 2021 now there is the story. This year is the year I will totally dedicate to the things I have always wanted to do for my own personal well being. My faith is going to get stronger . I will volunteer with the attitude of gratefulness, Being able to help others acquire a new strength and put a newness in their lives with the comforts they can find in a little second hand store. It is filled with other people's treasures that can now pass to new generations of seekers.

After years of writing nothing but journal pages filled with my doubts I will write the stories that hopefully will inspire. Maybe even save a generation or just one soul. .To show them it is not some agenda by a God who sits in Heaven and scoffs at our humanity but waits to see the victory of His love win in a world full of doubt. A new being like myself from wasting their life in the bottles of empty promise. Reaching the hearts of the lost. Being an inspiration to my family and friends but also to the new people who I will meet along my new path of life.

2021 will NOT hold me into the life that somehow may have held me back.. It will be the one where I will invite others to take hold of the tail of my kite and come for a ride. A year to find the simple things in life contain the most beautiful images of peace and promise. I will NOT let 2021 own me. I have done that for too many years I will step out into the New Year with a renewed love of humanity and all I can do to serve its wealth of bounty if I will just pick it.

I will dedicate my very soul and being to my creator and hopefully bring others to the spiritual place I so want them to see. !!! I have been blessed to understand that each year is a new beginning Each day comes with a new understanding and each moment could hold a miracle. Too long was the darkness that surrounded me and I know day by day I must fight the force that would take this story crumpled it up in front of me and laugh in my face. NOT TODAY!!!!