The girl in the mirror... before.

The girl in the mirror… before.

She was never daddy’s little girl, or at least she didn’t think she was. No, she wasn’t daddy’s little girl or daddy’s princess, but oh! How she wished she was… before.

She put her coffee mug next to her on the old coffee table and she looked through the window. Far away she could see a forest and beyond the forest she could see white mountain tops. Her mind wandered away into a daydream, into the forest, into the mountains. Maybe someday she would be somebody’s princess, like the girl in the book she was reading. Maybe someday she would be worthy of someone’s love.

She snapped out of her reverie, shook her head and smiled. She put the book she was reading down and got up from her chair. Sometimes old ways of thinking creeped up on her.

She walked by the mirror and her reflection made her stop. She took a good look at herself. Before, she didn’t like the girl in the mirror very much. She had a few extra pounds on her, her skin was too pale and her teeth were a bit crooked and today that was completely fine with her. She wasn’t perfect, in fact she was very imperfect and her imperfections made her beautiful.

A year ago, had she walked past the mirror she wouldn’t have even thought of contemplating herself, her reflection made her cringe. She had been working on herself for a while now, for a long while and she deserved to be good and kind to the girl in the mirror. That girl hadn’t changed much, she still had a few extra pounds on her, her skin was still too pale and her teeth still a bit crooked but her thoughts had changed.

The girl in the mirror was a different person before, she felt undeserving of love, undeserving of kindness, undeserving of being treated well... before.

She let out a sigh and thought how sometimes absent fathers did so much harm to little girls' self-esteem. She was sure her father was not a bad person, but his indifference had hurt her much more than anything else. It had broken her, it had wounded her self-esteem, it had digged a hole and left her there chipping away at her confidence. So much so, that it carried over to her adult relationships with other people, friends, lovers, family.

She took another good look at the girl in the mirror, there was a little barn owl figurine hanging from it. Ironically, her father had given it to her as a gift on her second birthday. She still kept it as a reminder of who she was before. Before, she was insecure and shy; it felt like two lifetimes ago. Before, the girl in the mirror would chase people. Before, the girl in the mirror would allow herself to be in a toxic, abusive relationship. Before, the girl in the mirror would allow friends to take advantage of her. Before, the girl in the mirror would allow others to overstep her boundaries... but before, was no more.

It took her a long time to find her confidence. It took her hard work to piece her broken self back together. It took some time to set healthy boundaries and find healthy friendships. Her relationship with her father was still not the best, he was still his same old indifferent self. However, she had come to understand that it wasn’t her who was broken nor defective, it was him and he would have to work on his own self to be able to give love to others.

The girl in the mirror was perfect in her imperfections, she was beautiful and deserving of everything good coming her way. She was deserving of a healthy loving relationship, of loving and supportive friends and of a wonderful, happy life… and all because she learned to forgive others but most importantly, she had learned to love and forgive the girl she was before.