Stop Caring What People Think

"Don't waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good," Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations. It will prevent you from taking action. You won't be able to concentrate on your own thoughts because you'll be too obsessed with what other people are doing, why they are doing it, what they are saying, what they are thinking, and what they are up to.Marcus, in my opinion, strikes on the major problem that prevents people from moving forward in life: attachment to what other people think of them. So I'll have a conversation to further explore this concept. --- When the clock strikes twelve in Shinjuku, a little bar opens for a few hours. Few people go there, but those that do are well-informed about what they're searching for. After a few beers tonight, Himari sits down by herself and strikes up the following chat with the bartender. B: "You'll never accomplish anything truly beneficial if you're attached to what other people think of you.""What do you mean?" asked H. B: "You'll never be yourself if you're concerned with what other people think of you. And if life has taught me anything, it's that the only truly useful thing anyone can do is be themselves. I don't understand, H. What good is being myself? B: "Being who you are is the source of true usefulness. Consider a tree: As a result of its existence, it produces fruits and oxygen. For us, the same is true. Being ourselves helps us do good things. But don't I always act like myself? B: "You're getting language-stuck.Let's take another look at the tree. Lack of water, sunlight, and competition in the environment are just a few of the factors that might prevent a tree from being itself. The tree cannot exist because of the obstacles. Being authentic means overcoming your own challenges. Being tied to what other people think of you is one of the biggest barriers to being yourself. H: "How does being concerned about what others think of me prevent me from being who I am?" B: "You have to be willing to defy people's expectations of you when you are being yourself. You must be prepared to let them down. You must be prepared for a poor response from them. However, someone who cares about what others think of them will not take that chance, so they wind up being what others want them to be rather than who they really are. I suppose you're right, H. What, then, can I do? To survive, I rely on what other people think of me. B: "Since you rely on other people's opinions for security, it follows that you are attached to what they think of you. However, if your relationship depends on meeting someone else's expectations, it isn't a true one. You are a slave to other people's perceptions of you. H: "That's true, but a prison still has security." B: "You are in a prison, though. Your entire existence has been exchanged for security. What more has to be secured? H: "I suppose that is true. I never gave it any thought. However, I will always rely on other people's opinions for security, regardless of what I do or where I go! Isn't that how things are in the world? B: "Does it matter what people think of you if you sell water in a desert? Their views don't matter if you can actually generate something of value. I suppose you're right, H. However, how do I create something worthwhile? B: "To inquire how a tree produces its fruit is absurd. I'll put it this way: Lack of water, sunlight, and competition imprison a tree. The fruit is the inevitable result when the tree escapes from these confinements and is totally unrestrained. What matters is how you can free yourself, not how you can create anything of value. Your fruit will appear of its own accord once you have broken free from all of your prisons. --- Marcus Aurelius once remarked that being concerned with other people's opinions would hinder you from achieving anything important. Through a dialogue, I investigated the significance of this statement. Being oneself is the most beneficial thing somebody can do. And there is no way to adequately express who we truly are. No matter if we consider ourselves to be excellent or awful, an artist or a lawyer, we are never just one thing. We are using a very little portion of our memory to define ourselves when we say things like, "I am a wife," "I am a mother," "I am a musician," or "I am a lawyer." Beyond our memories, we exist. Being oneself is the same as solving your own difficulties, and effectively solving your own problems is what enables you to assist others in solving their problems, which is why being oneself has actual worth. We will, however, always be what other people want us to be rather than who we truly are as long as we are wedded to what they think of us. And if we give up on ourselves, we give up on having any real value to offer the world. And if we give up on our capacity to actually benefit the world, we give up on what is possibly the only true form of security. The security of a prisoner, however, which is security in return for life, is security at all when we choose to be what other people want us to be. But ultimately, this is merely my interpretation of Marcus's remarks and does not constitute advise. Please feel free to use this material as you see fit. If you disagree with Marcus' statements, please share your thoughts in the comments.