Prompt 2

WHAT MAKES YOU COME ALIVE?

I could potentially say that it would generally be easier for me to talk about what causes me to stay dormant. Silent.

That is not the purpose of today's topic. It is about what makes me come alive. There isn't just one place or one thing that makes me feel alive. So, I will touch on a few- a person, a place, and a thing.

There was a time when we had taken a trip to Florida. It was the first trip at this location. I will never forget that time. We were swimming out in the ocean. Finn had been trying to get out to Ethan, who was much further out than me. I do not fair well in the ocean. I am terrified of what I cannot see in the sea. So I generally go up to the kneecaps and call it quits. This time was different. Finn was so excited to get out to Ethan but terrified to leave me behind. As I traveled with him out into the deeper water, he clung to me with every fiber in his body. And I remember looking at the freckles on his sunburnt cheeks, the water droplets on his eyelashes, and the sun glistening from his precious little eyes and I just remember wanting to capture that very moment because it was beautiful in a way that is hard to explain. It was a fleeting moment. But I will never forget the smell of the sandy breeze passing by, the way the waves rocked our bodies to and fro, and the feeling of this little arms and legs wrapped around me as he kept asking "do you got me mom?" The only thought that kept playing in my head was that I would never let him go for as long as I live. In that moment I felt alive, wildly so. I was so aware of time and change and how it would never be the same as that moment was. Each time that a moment like that happens, I try to remember it. Savor it. Each time makes me feel wildly alive, awakening my body. Almost as if saying to myself "open your eyes. take it in. you are fully awake now." It is the jolt of awareness that makes my body feel tremendously alive. Each time just as exciting and bittersweet, knowing that the moment doesn't last forever. Knowing that though, helps me to try and be more present, more aware.

Entering a room where I know that I am wanted. Loved. Accepted without stipulations. I think more than most days, that helps, for me, to feel at ease about my presence in the rooms that I enter. I feel as though I can let my guard down and breathe slightly easier when I feel safe around those in a room. I think that I have come to enjoy walking into my job not because of the job itself- Moreso, because when I walk into the room, I feel like I have reached a safe haven. And let me tell you, there is nothing amazing about those four khaki colored walls plastered with americana decor. It isn't the responsibility that is stapled to my chest or the hats that I have to balance on my head. It's the three other desks and the bodies that fill those three chairs. Those three souls make me feel like I have a table to sit at. A home away from home. I don't care what anyone else has to say about their jobs or coworkers. They have never seen an atmosphere like the second floor suite 229. Undeniably so, we are comfortably chaotic. Yet, we have to be together because separate, we just don't make sense. There is something to be said about something so special between four people who have such a strong bond built on time, patience, love, and understanding. It is so rare to be able to trust and love. Especially in the capacity that we work side by side every day. We are who we are and we love each other without trying to change each other. Being safe around people you choose to surround yourself with- that helps me feel alive and as if I can truly be me.

I feel alive when I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. Whether it's the transition from spring to summer and the nights are long and the days are meant for spending outside near a body of water. Exploration and adventure always on the horizon. Getting away from hibernation mode and grasping at the sun rays, praying for longer days so that it doesn't feel like summer is slipping through your hands. Much like the lightening bugs as we chase them at night. A natural string of lights throughout the fields as we sit outside roasting marshmellows and drinking our nightly beer. When the green is brightest color and the sun radiates passionately. I come alive when the skies are blue dotted with white spheres of clouds and there is a cool breeze to help remind you to breathe. Yet, then there is fall. I feel alive when autumn arrives. The leaves falling from the trees to the ground has got to be one of the most magical visions to witness. It is as if they are moving in slow motion all around me. If I stop long enough to gaze, it is as if my feet become a permanent fixture to the peaceful earth. I love having those selfish moments of peace.

And if I am ever the only one to read these enteries, I am thankful that at least I can know what makes me come alive. A beautiful reminder to take a moment to bask in your surroundings. Sit back, watch, and listen to those around you. Listen to their laughs. Watch their face light up. Pay attention to how your body reacts.

#itallmatters