One Big Hug

Some days are brighter than the rest, and there are days that are not particularly joyful or interesting. Some days can even be empty and depressing, somewhat like turning aimlessly in circles, beaten and exhausted.

This reminds me of a little girl that I met when I was volunteering in a local nursery. She was a quiet little character, about 20 months old. I often found her alone, not wanting to play with the other children. She had scruffy hair and an almost gloomy face, except for her kind and sweet eyes that softened her expression. There was something about her that drew me to her. Perhaps, I felt her loneliness--that despite being in a crowded room, she was sad. There was a time when I caught a glimpse of her roaming aimlessly in the room. Her eyes looked sad and empty, and when I met her eyes, she almost started to sob. It was as if at that instant, she poured out all the emotions that she could not explain through that gaze. My heart immediately went out to her and without hesitating, I picked her up and held her close. We hugged for a few minutes and I felt the weight of her head on my shoulder. She held on tight, and when she let go, she gave me her sweetest smile.

Sometimes I find myself like that little girl - conflicted, tired and caught up in a loud messy world. My anxious thoughts can sometimes make me feel helpless and pull me on the verge of giving up.

There were days that I found utterly depressing and they seemed to drag on forever. There were times when my mind drifted amidst the chaos of my worries, fears, anxieties, regrets, frustrations and most of all, longing. I was longing for something that I could not exactly pinpoint.

Maybe it's the thought of being so far away from my loved ones, and not having seen them for so long has created a deep hollow in my heart. Ever since the pandemic changed and affected so many lives, I haven't had the chance to see my family in the Philippines. What's worse is the uncertainty amidst this crisis and the possibility of the years being apart to stretch out for longer. Technology might have allowed us to speak through video calls and exchange messages everyday, but it is always different to be able to embrace them and spend time with them for real!

Maybe it's the boredom that the summer holidays bring. Not everyone is fortunate enough to go away on a relaxing vacation. Some people, like me, have to stay at home most of the time and look after young, inquisitive and active children. Don’t get me wrong. I love my children to bits, but sometimes (and I believe this is something most parents can understand) it can really be draining. There are days that seem to go on a loop, which can be really hard to break.

Maybe it’s the odd mix of excitement and anxiety about embarking on a new journey in the next couple of weeks. After a few years, I have actually decided to step out of my comfort zone and take a leap towards achieving my dreams. That’s the exciting bit. The other side of the coin is facing the uncertainty of what lies ahead. I know that change is the only constant thing in this life, but it can be really scary especially when you have to make decisions that can involve different aspects like family, time, effort and your personal well-being.

Nevertheless, like that sad little girl, God sends people to pick us up and hold us close during the most inexplicably miserable moment of our lives. I have faith in the people I love and those who love me to embrace me during difficult times, so that like that little girl, I can smile again. I feel very blessed to have met that little angel, because through her I knew that I can do something to lift others up, in the same way that they will also do so for me.

We must not be reluctant to rely on the people we trust. Sometimes, we just need someone to be there for us, to listen to us, to cry with us, to understand us, and to give us one big hug.