Of Joys, and Pains, and Blessings

I don't even know where to start counting my blessings for 2017. Although I haven't had much of material things to boast, graces and blessings abound in terms of family, love, friends, and personal and emotional growth. This year gave me a number of reasons to say that life is indeed beautiful despite all its imperfections.

Yes, life can be beautiful with all its ugly facets for we can only know what beauty is after having the scars. We can only appreciate the best after going through the worst. This is why, along with the blessings, I would also count the pains, the tears, and the not-knowing-whys.

This year, I have wept a lot and have fallen so many times. I have been uncertain about numerous things. I have been anxious. I have been hurt. I have been angry, stubborn, and unkind to myself. I have struggled with my emotions and cried over careless judgments. I have been broken.

Seriously, it has been a tough year! Add along the scrabbles of looking after a little baby, and then discovering not so long after that there's going to be another one. I felt like a wave of hullabaloos shattered me. Being a parent surely is not easy, but who could ever deny the sheer happiness that only your children can bring?

Fortunately, and still getting a grip of my sanity, I have surpassed it all. After crying hard about the heartaches, I felt like it was all just a stupid rush of female hormones (you know that thing that makes us go crazy). On serious note, I realised that we all do get our fair share of struggles. There is no escaping that reality. It is only up to us how we deal with it. Most importantly, our personal struggles are impossible to solve if we shut significant people out of our lives. We need our families, friends, and even random strangers (the good ones, of course) we get across with whom we strike little nonsense conversations to snap us out of our misery.

With people, I am blessed. Family, friends, and community are the things that I am most grateful with. These people are my angels here on earth. Their love and support have been my source of strength and inspiration.

So, what are my hopes and expectations for this 2018?

I could not expect it to be a bed of roses. I know that there will still be loads of trials, but in my deepest of heart, I am hoping that I would be bolder and fiercer to face what lies ahead. In my prayers, I ask for harmony of my mind, body, and spirit. I also pray that God would grant me a more compassionate heart to understand others, especially those who are hard to understand.

I honestly do not have a new year's resolution for 2018, because I always end up failing. I would just take the words of my husband, “I will not make promises, I will do them instead.” Pretty safe, huh? But really, this could save you the pain of unfulfilled expectations. I guess I will just have to deal with things as they come and do my best to fulfill my responsibilities as a mom, a wife, a friend, a teacher, and a servant of God. Most of all, I will always remember to be kind to myself as well and to give ME much love and appreciation. Believe that you deserve to give yourself these, too!

With much love and joy, I wish that all of you reading this will have a wonderful year ahead! Carry with you the joys and lessons of the past, and conquer this year with a much braver spirit.

Happy new year!