Never Losing Myself Again
To Anyone or Anything
People have pointed out to me for the last few years that I've slowly lost myself in terms of my stubbornness, my drive and just overall the things that made me well, me. I didn't listen to them because I honestly thought they were crazy and that they didn't know what they were talking about. I was young, I was in college and I knew exactly who I was and I haven't lost myself like everyone said I did. I started realizing recently that they were right. I’ve had time to reflect and re-evaluate on the last few years. I’ve realized that I settled for a lot of things that I never would have settled for or at least I didn’t think I would.
All through high school, I was determined to become a teacher when I got out of college. I promised myself that I would have my teaching license after college and that I wouldn’t accept anything less than that. I also promised myself that I would work hard in college to get good grades. I came out of college with a degree but no teaching license and I got good grades in college but not exactly the grades I wanted. I always envisioned myself having my own classroom where I could make a difference in someone’s life. I settled for sharing joint ownership of a classroom with a wonderful teacher that I look up to as a mentor and a mother figure. Seeing how great of a teacher she is made me realize what I really wanted and now I am more than determined to achieve my dream. It also made me realize that I lost my drive for getting what I wanted. In high school, I never settled for anything less than perfect and always did everything in my power to get what I wanted. Looking back on the last few years I came to the realization of all that I gave up in terms of achieving my dreams. I also realized that I lost my stubbornness and drive and became a pushover once it came to certain things, especially with things I would never budge on.
My biggest regret is not doing everything in my power to achieve that dream. Anybody and everybody who knows me knows that the only thing I ever really wanted was to be a teacher and have a classroom of my own. The only thing that’s changed about the teaching is that now I want to teach Pre-K instead of high school like I originally wanted.
My other big regret is not being independent and able to survive on my own. I always promised myself that I would be able to sustain myself with nobody’s help and live on my own for a little while. I promised myself that I would never have to depend on anybody, even when the time came when I met somebody that I wanted to share the rest of my life with. But somehow that never happened and if it’s going to happen it’s going to be a while before I can which is something I am now working towards.
This all made me realize that I wasn’t happy with my life and myself. I realized that the only thing that can give me the feeling of fulfillment and happiness and getting me back is if I achieve the main thing that I always wanted and achieve that independence that I always wanted. And I made a promise to myself that I will never lose myself to anything or anyone ever again.
About the Creator
Alix Nicole
24 year old doggy mommy to an an adorable 2 year old Shiba Inu named Lucy. Loves history, loves to write and relax while enjoying a nice cup of coffee.
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