Mental health

When I first started my journey on here I imagined it would go a lot differently. Entirely different than it has if I am honest. I had set my expectations high for myself when I first started writing on here. My mental health was in a completely different space when I first started! I have struggled this mountain. I've had to take a few stops along the way, detoured courses that haven't been working for me. Ran in a circle in search of support just to be reminded that was never the place I was meant to be in. I wanted this space to be a place I could share my poetry, journey through life, random thoughts!

Here comes imposter syndrome, anxiety, depression and heavy dissociation asking me to take a sit in the back. Have you ever struggled with these types of emotions? I felt like I had to produce something substantial in order to get anywhere here. Completely losing sight of why I wanted to write here in the first place!

I wanted to watch my growth!! I wanted to see how my writing style might evolve. But my mental health took me on a different journey!

After having a wonderful conversation with one of my counselors, I am trying to challenge myself! I want to learn to find moments where I can do the opposite from what I feel! We deserve to live, we deserve to grow!!! We deserve to see the best parts of us and enjoy them. Through the dark and light!! This is where we find our safe space, this is how we truly heal!

This space will be for me, to share my art, my thoughts, my growth and journey! I'll be posting Free flows, unedited work, work that has gone through a few edits, events I have been a part of.. just me!

I'll be entering more creative challenges on here! I want to have fun again!!! I feel like I have been on autopilot for the last few years. Anyone else feel like this? It's like the world keeps on going but things just feel so mixed up. Uncomfortable, hard to breathe type of feeling. I know it's not just me!! Life has been so difficult for so many of us. Between the shootings, loss of rights, Covid, now monkeypox!! The world has such an overwhelming amount of stress right now. Yet we're being asked to pretend like life is normal. Build a career, go to work, go to school.. continue on as if the world we live in isn't falling apart around us! It's no surprise many of us struggle with anxiety and depression!

How do we live normal, when the world seems to be so chaotic? I think it's important for us to take space for ourselves. Now more than ever we should be investing in ourselves. Learning how to nurture the parts of us that hurts and struggles. The world is constantly switching it's pace on us all. It's demanding in some form, for most of us! How can we find some comfort during the dreadful times? I'm choosing to take moments in my timeline where I make time for my happiness. If it comes down to struggling or being happy.. I want to be happy! Don't you? Don't we all?

My therapist and I have been talking about coping skills, ways to rewire how we approach life. How we care for ourselves! Sometimes it's just getting up despite the heavy weight that only you can see and feel. Getting up and saying fuck this, you won't win. My mind belongs to me, my happiness and everything that comes with it. I am more than the last year of my life. I deserve more! We all do!!!

What do you think? What can we do to fight back against the shit that trys to push us down? What do you do? I'd love to know!