"Love?" or "Love."

Full. Whole. Complete.

What does it mean to feel complete? Would you know it if you had it—that sense of wholeness? Of course, you would. The sad part is that many of us go to others to help us achieve wholeness when we should be learning to be whole for ourselves, by ourselves. Maybe it’s a lack of balance. It’s tough trying to keep everything aligned. Bills, kids, cleaning, and maintaining. There’s work life, home life, and “free” life. Free life is the time you give yourself to live and have fun without worry or stress over everything else listed, and whatever else is involved.

It’s those things that make you smile and laugh without thinking or force. Why do you feel so empty or “broken” in the first place? From personal experience, I, too, have been there. I’ve felt that loss of self. Most of it was from the burdens of the past. The thing about the past is, it’s no longer the present. Though it’s easier said than done, try reminding yourself that the past is no more. Whatever happened to you may have traumatized you, but that doesn’t mean you should allow it to control you or how you live your life today and tomorrow.

Why stop living or smiling or laughing because of past pain? Why continue to hold onto all of that weight? It’s a waste of the time and energy that you could be putting into something else‒something you love and are passionate about. You deserve to smile. You deserve to feel full. There’s no need to continue allowing the past to dictate how you spend your time and energy in the now. A lot of people miss out on so much of what life has to offer because of not being able to let go of the things that once had a negative impact on them. I was one of them.

It is not an easy journey to walk, but each step you take comes with its own rewards. Don’t limit yourself to what you can do. Never say, “I can’t do it” or “I don’t know how” because you can do it and you can learn. The hardest part is figuring out where to start, but as long as you start somewhere, you’re on the right path. If happiness or wholesomeness is what you truly want then have it. It’s yours and it’s free. Take the first step in achieving that, but remember to always put in the work to maintain it. Tell yourself something positive every day. Say out loud what you’re grateful for no matter how minuscule you think it may be. Believe in what you’re saying and believe in yourself. Meditate, pray, or do whatever it is you feel you need to do in a moment of doubt to bring peace into your life. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. Soon it will become a habit and you’ll do it without even thinking about it. You’ll slowly begin to feel the “you” that you always were (and still are) before the pain and trauma took hold. Don’t expect to reach that point overnight but believe that you will get there. It is your life and you are in complete control. I believe in you.

Control vs Fear

It’s hard, isn’t it? Not knowing where to go or what to do can be a pain. You may tend to feel as if you have absolutely no control of your own life, which, in turn, can cause you to feel stuck. Then there’s that fear of taking the initial step forward. The anxiety itself can be overwhelming. At that point, you begin to ask yourself, “why bother?”

Over time, you become complacent where you are, but there is still that longing for something more and it feels like it’s so far away or just out of reach. The doubt sets in, then the fear, then comes the disappointment and depression. A part of you knows you can do it, but you say to yourself, “I can’t,” so you don’t. Without even trying, you’ve succumbed to the negative thoughts that you’ve conjured up.

“How do I fix it? How do I fix me?” Understand that there is nothing to be fixed as you are not broken. Broken-hearted, hurt, and scared? Maybe. Traumatized? Maybe. But not broken. What you require is healing. Again, you may ask yourself, “How do I do that?” and “Where do I start?” The answer is, you start with you. Confused? Yeah, I was too, at first. I’ve said this before. It starts with your way of thinking. If you’re constantly telling yourself that you can’t do something or that you’re not good enough, you begin to believe it. Then you begin to feel it and it becomes your reality.

If you haven’t noticed, you are already in control of which way your life is headed. You thought about not doing what you actually want to do so you stopped yourself from doing it. It works both ways. It all begins with you. The way you think, the steps you take, the things you speak out loud. Rather than convincing yourself that it’s impossible, convince yourself that it’s not only possible but inevitable. You make the choices. You have the power. Control isn’t something you lack. It’s the fear of not knowing what is on the other side that’s keeping you where you are.

Let go of that fear. Say to yourself, “I let go of all fear. I choose happiness.” Repeat it over and over every day while placing one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you’ll be living the life you’ve always wanted. A life without fear. Control starts with you. Happiness starts with you. Self-love and care start with you. There is no need to fear failure because, how could you fail? Only by giving up. If you fall, stand back up and keep pushing. You have only everything to gain from experience to joy and many things beyond that. It is your life, and you are in control.