Self-love and Lack Thereof!

Self-love and Lack Thereof

Can you love someone even if you don’t love yourself? Unpopular opinion--yes, you can, but let me tell you why you shouldn’t. First, what do you know about love? If you loved yourself, then you’d already know the answer. “Why is it not okay to love someone if you don’t love yourself?” Now, I didn’t say it wasn’t--I said you shouldn’t. When you love someone before yourself, you ultimately give them the power over you to retrieve what you believe is love and because you want their love for selfish gain. You have love to give, but how would you know that? You do anything and everything for the love that you lack. You give yourself; light. You give your light away rather than spread your love, thinking that it’s love. If you truly loved yourself, then you’d respect yourself enough to withstand any negative feedback putting out your light from someone who lacks it.

Again, you can still love someone, but how would you know it’s love? Do you believe you can just feel it? Maybe it’s because your heart skips a beat when you’re near that special someone. Let me ask you this. How do you perceive a love for a child versus love for a significant other? We know it’s not the same, but love is love, is it not? It’s only different because a child loves you unconditionally. They don’t look to take from you. Your light shines upon them, and your heart fills with joy and laughter without even thinking about it. You don’t have to work for their love, and they don’t have to work for your love either, and you understand it! It’s unconditional! It’s unquestionable! So why can’t you love yourself the same way? Why is it you seek it from someone else who has yet to come to terms with these facts as well? The answer: To feel whole; complete.

Some people just don’t want to be alone. Those people don’t understand that being alone can equal growth and build resistance to impatience and incompetence. The Earth is vast, yet many people focus on things like finding someone to marry, or having kids, or finding a decent job, etc., but why not spend your time traveling, exploring, finding your peace, loving yourself? Love the way you smile. Love the way you look. Love the hair on your head and/or face, and love your skin. The shape of your body, the mind, the soul. Love it all. EMBRACE!

You can change all these things about yourself if you’re unhappy, but why would you? How can you expect someone to see you in a way that you don’t see yourself and love you in a way you won’t love yourself? Who told you are incapable? Answer: You did. Who convinced you to think you aren’t good enough? You did. Who told you that you’d be happy if you could only just find a good man or woman? You did. You shouldn’t force yourself to love someone until you love yourself first simply because you will rely on it. You will rely on it to make you smile, to make you happy, to make you feel that you are good enough, to make you feel “not alone,” and to make you feel whole because if it ever leaves, you will only go right back to thinking you can’t or don’t deserve any of those things. Then what? Then you go looking for it from the next available person that you find attractive. You might even look for it in someone you’re not attracted to at all because you need to feel whole or “not so empty.” Either way, you’re not exactly happy because you still see yourself as worthless. If you should rely on anyone’s love to do for you all the things you desire, it should be your own. You shouldn’t need someone else to see you as something more than that. It might help. It might not. Is that love, though? Is it love when you’re really just seeking something that doesn’t belong to you for yourself rather than to share yours equally? You jump through hoops to please a person in the hopes they will return the favor. Whether they do or not, will it be enough? Will it be “good” enough?

My answer: No.

Explain: My answer is “no” for the same reasons I’ve been telling you. It’s because deep down inside, you still feel something is missing. Your void has yet to fill. Why do you think it’s called a "void?" The only thing that can fill that void is the love you give to yourself. Only then will you feel complete.