Living My Dreams

I've always had huge dreams, ever since I was really little. Maybe all kids have big dreams, but I noticed that my dreams seemed improbable and sometimes even impossible to the people around me. I was told I "had a big imagination" when I talked about what I wanted my life to be, as though the desires that fluttered in my heart - the wants and plans that made life not only bearable but wonderful, were nothing more than fiction.

As an adult I fell into believing the doubts of those around me in hopes of being "practical" and "safe". I fell into depression, developed severe anxiety and was riddled with health problem after health problem. I can say with absolute certainty that there was nothing "safe" or "practical" about any of that. I realized that the people in my life had been living in fear, afraid to believe that their desires could ever come into fruition. I began to understand that they had been told by others what was "safe" and what was "practical" as well, and had trusted those words over their own hearts. It's not difficult to do, as I know closely. And I discovered, not all too long ago, that there's nothing practical or safe about living a life other than the one that exists in your deepest desires. To live a life suppressing the wants in your heart is to live a life in constant battle with yourself.

So, I decided to live my dreams. It wasn't a quick decision. It was a decision I made and made again over many years as I wrestled with what I'd been taught. I opened my mind and my heart to new possibilities. I began to see the world entirely differently - not as something set and unchanging, with rules and boundaries that conflict with the limitlessness that I've always known somehow to be true. I began to see the world as malleable, revealing itself to be more and more enjoyable as I allowed myself to trust what I've always known in my heart: That I can live the life of my dreams, to the fullest extent.

The less I get hung up on how things are going to play out, the easier it gets. When I trust that one inspiration will lead to the next, everything happens effortlessly, and I get to experience the magic of this world that was always here, ready to be enjoyed. Life feels playful and light, like I can do anything and have anything - like all of the beauty and intensity and depth is here just to be explored.

One day I'll be able to write about how I no longer struggle with self doubt and live every moment fully in trust. I'm not there yet, although I get closer and closer. There are times when I get so afraid it feels hard to continue. But I always manage to come out of it, and the more I live from a place of trust the more I experience how safe I am. I live my dreams one day at a time. Sometimes it's something small, like cooking a recipe I've wanted to try. Sometimes it's big, like moving into the perfect apartment. Sometimes it's far outside of any reality I thought possible, like discovering psychic abilities, seeing my appearance change drastically before my eyes, or being with my soulmate and all of the magic that comes with that.

I'll continue to live this adventure of following my heart to live out my dreams, and as I go I'll write about it all here. Follow this account to join my journey if you'd like. <3