Kiss The Ground

March 16,2020

This was the day in where the Pandemic started for me. Not only was it the day I stopped bartending; it was also my little brother's birthday. So all in all, a fairly memorable day.

Throughout the pandemic, many things changed for me. I went from working 5-6 days a week, to zero days a week, to having the government pay me through CERB and finally, breaking up with my ex-fiancé. Was is Covid-fatigue? Maybe. I just knew a lot was changing in the world around me and if I didn't change alongside with it, I would've sat in a stagnant puddle of self pity and depression.

I knew I was running out of time to pull myself out of a looming dark space or unknowing "warm spot" in the community pool, so I began to meditate. I'd already had experience with meditating but sitting in a room with candles lit, a yoga mat and ethereal music always seemed like such a chore just to get into a nirvana-like mindset.

After reading an article about a Buddhist monk who lives in Wyoming, I began practicing what he shared. He said, "Use your feet to kiss the earth when you're walking."

He explained that by the simple act of walking, an act completely autonomous for most humans, you could increase your own happiness and ground yourself within your reality. BUT HOW?!

Moving along with the article in question I began to learn that using your feet as a way to say thank you for everything in your current moment was a way to truly see where you stand in the world.

Left. Thank you. Right. Thank you. Left. Thank you. Right... you get it.

I began to practice this form of gratitude.

I started by taking strolls around my apartment. Sometimes with my dogs and sometimes by-myself. Either way, I would concentrate on being grateful with every step I took.

It was hard at first, to stay grateful and motivated in a world seemingly brought to a stand still by a tiny, microscopic serial killer. It actually remained difficult for quite some time before I started getting the hang of it.

At some point through this transition from a drink-slinging bartender to a self-aware store greeting cardboard cut-out of a human being, I learned something about myself. Oh I should mention, I started working at Canadian Tire after my bartending life ended...anyways. More on that later.

I learned that I'm not better or worse then anyone else in the world. Not smarter nor dumber. Not better looking or uglier then anyone else. What I learned overall in this new mindset is that it doesn't fucking matter who or what I look like. What truly matters is being a decent human-being to those around me. Enjoying the moments in where beauty buds in the smile of an over-weight Jack-Russel or lending the change in the cup holder in my car to a crooked homeless man at a street light.

I started seeing the world as one giant opportunity to say thank you.

I don't see the point of really complaining anymore either. Complaining is like pissing your pants in-front of a bunch of crying babies realizing that the babies are the ones with the diapers and you're the one with adult responsibilities. Plus, have you ever pissed yourself as an adult? Is it supposed to burn?

Since my epiphany, the understanding that being grateful is more important then looks, money or status, I've been meditating everyday. I close my eyes and put the tips of my fingers together. Breathing deep I begin reciting one of my favorite quotes from Wayne Dyer, "I am loving awareness." I'll repeat it until my mind clears. From there I begin to hum a hymn that I picked up from a video game I played when I was a kid. It centers me and the melody is beautifully peaceful.

I've come to the realization that leaving my ex-fiancé was the best thing for both of us. Through my meditations, the reality given to me by practicing mindfulness is that you don't stop loving someone. You just love them differently. You don't need to feel the need to have sex with them just because it was something you shared before more so, you feel the need to respect them more. Knowing both your journey's are now separate in life is something one SHOULD respect.

I'll complete this vlog with something else I've learned.

Money and status won't bring you happiness. Don't get me wrong, money is dope and status is cool but they are distractions from the moments of your present. Objects of misdirection that lead you farther away from yourself, from who you truly are when no one is looking at you. That person, sacred and isolated when alone, is dying to get out and shed their light onto others. We are all one being. We are all one understanding. We are all love. It's up to us to realize that that's what makes life worth living. The giving of ones time, soul and love without expecting anything in return. From there, you will start to feel your worries melt away and a sense of love refill the emptiness.

Love deeply today my friends.

-TS