Imperfect Perfectionist

Being perceived as a perfection is very challenging, because then you try to live up to that expectation. It is also challenging to accept your imperfections, because you're constantly under a spotlight of high expectations. As a professional, I am constantly looking to improve myself and my quality of work, so when I mess up, my whole world crumbles. Now personally, I can be imperfect and be fine, because I am not being ridiculed or judged... or so I think. I have been held up to a high standard for as long as I can remember; I have a very strict mother, continuously expecting me to do everything right, putting me into different afterschool activities, making sure I was scheduled for extra curricular activities in school, and still go home to cook and clean. Now, my dad on the other hand, well... what is there to say, he was not in my life for the most part. Regardless of how they both were, both of my parents had one thing in common; they were both hardworking and were both workaholics. Growing up, my mom worked long days, would still getting me ready for school, came home, did laundry, made sure I was fed, and still made time to read to me or do fun things before bed. Those things, helped me to be the person I am today. I didn't have my dad in my life until I turned 18, but from what I could gather, he was devoted to his job, independent, extremely intelligent, and very wise. I am grateful to have had parents that taught me the value of determination, perseverance, and perfection.

Being an imperfect perfectionist has been a struggle for many reasons. I expect a lot from the people around me, both personally and professionally, and when things don't go as expected, I feel that I have to fix it myself or constantly correct people. Doing so, has created much conflict, and has even compromised many of the relationships I had built. I try to be helpful, I try to provide advisement of how to do things, but it is taken as being controlling or manipulative, which is the opposite of what I am attempting to do. I have been told plenty of times, that it is better to step back and allow people to do things their own way, regardless if I know it is not right, then to provide unsolicited advice. The older I've grown, the more I've learned and valued this advise, it has made life much more bearable. On the other hand, due to my perfectionist ways and strong personality, I have managed to accomplish many things and establish protocols at my jobs, past and present, and have been passed along. I am proud of who I am, the things I have accomplished, and the maturity I have developed with my experiences. Being a perfectionist has its benefits, that may not be appreciated at first, but in due time and by the right people, it is held to a high regard.

I have had many role models in my time that have also taught me things that I still practice nowadays; it may have been something simple, may have been something that have been perceived as unimportant, or have gone unnoticed. I have realized that I am quite observant, I pick up on things as simple as how people manage tasks or how they are around their peers, and I apply them to my own practices. I am always learning for ways to improve as a person, and try to pass on that wisdom on to others; if they find it to be helpful, that is great, if they don't, then hopefully they can teach me something. I have always put myself in a position, especially at work, that I like to help and do things that are helpful, but outside of the spotlight, I don't do things to gain recognition nor praise, merely to improve the workplace. In my personal life, I try to do the same, but is not received as openly as it is at work, which is completely fine. Anyway, this is my perspective of the Imperfect Perfectionist, I hope it was relatable and insightful.