I Resolve To Rise

A new year is often a time of reflection and analysis. In the past, it has been a ritual of mulling over all of the things I intended to do, but did not quite get around to. Looking back and realizing that I didn't start that podcast, or the fact that I didn't lose the 50 pounds I intended to drop, or the fact that I did not meet, get engaged to and marry the love of my life this past year has felt like a two-ton boulder sitting on my shoulders.

I have questioned whether or not I made the right decisions, and what things I could have done differently. In years past, those often harsh, self-critiques typically launched me into unrealistic expectations and have led to the creation of overzealous vision boards and regretful resolutions. 2020, in that regard was no different. What was different however, in 2020, was..well...EVERYTHING!!

There were so many things that many of us consider normal, that either changed or were completely eliminated in 2020. People lost their their livelihoods and sadly, too many people, lost their lives. The worldwide COVID-19 pandemic had many of us feeling like we were living in a real life episode of The Twilight Zone. 2020 was undoubtedly hard. It was revealing. But it was a great teacher. What was the lesson? Perspective and persistence.

During the pandemic I faced so many challenges. After having been hospitalized and receiving a blood transfusion in December 2019, I was diagnosed with pneumonia in January 2020. My year was off to a great start already! (insert sarcastic eye roll) It would be March before I would feel like I was back to normal. Already, half of my vision board goals had fallen by the wayside. As if that was not enough, a job that I was supposed to start in April, was no longer an option. 2020 was the gift that kept on giving-and in July, both of my parents tested positive COVID-19! My mother endured an eight day stay in the hospital, on high pressure and high flow oxygen-a razor thin margin away from being on a ventilator. Miraculously, she recovered. Less than twenty-four hours later, my father was admitted to the hospital. While his case was not quite as intense as my mother's, he was in the hospital for four days. Thankfully, he too, recovered and returned home.

While the past year has been one that I pray does not ever replicate itself, the perspective I gained from the experiences I had is priceless. You see, while I battled pneumonia and struggled to even sit up straight for several weeks, I completed a national training program which resulted in me obtaining a certification and a new marketable skill!

When I did not get the job that I was really excited about starting this past spring, I was disappointed, to say the least. Despite taking what looked like another "L", I took a leap that paid off. As a result, I had two speaking roles in two separate short films. I had finally began to gain some traction on my lifelong dream to become an actor. Had I been working, I doubt that I would have been able to capitalize on those opportunities.

Even though I have always considered myself to be a humble and gracious person, facing the possibility of losing both parents at the same time, is not an experience I wish on anyone. However, out of that horrendous prospect, I garnered a profound gratitude for my parents' lives and all of the nuances, stressors and amorous traits that come along with them. Our relationship, which can sometimes be tumultuous when in close proximity, has definitely been a testament to our love for one another.

The perspective I gained while reflecting on 2020 has been transformative. It is in that spirit of transformation, that I have, for 2021, resolved to rise! This newly reignited perspective is already proving to be valuable. As I am only two weeks into recovery of having had a large tumor removed from right in front of my brain, on my pituitary gland. Prior to my surgery, I decided that whatever I face in 2021..I..WILL..RISE! And I am. My doctors are marveling at my impressive progress.

So for 2021, I have a sense of renewed hope and I am inspired to make a fresh start. In all situations, I have given myself permission to be less than perfect, to fall, and by doing so, I have given myself permission to rise. I will rise above the mental anguish and turmoil of not having every single detail of my life figured out. When I make a plan that falls through..I will rise. When I am faced with what seems to be an insurmountable obstacle, I will face it head on, and regardless of the outcome, I will rise, because I chose not to quit. I will rise above my desire to lose weight, by engaging in healthy behaviors on a regular basis and with perseverance, resulting in a healthier me, I will rise. Did I still create a vision board for 2021? Of course! Do I still have desires, dreams and goals? Absolutely! But this year, with the right perspective and with tireless perseverance, I have resolved to make like cream and RISE!